Pickle fingers

A few weekends ago, Tad and I went to his work holiday party.  We were to bring a white elephant gift worth about $10.  I put together a package of all kinds of goodies: a tin of enlighten-mints, candy, and some novelty items. My favorite item I put in there was a "pickle finger".  What is a pickle finger, you might ask.  Well, it is a plastic pickle-shaped thing that you can put over your finger.  It's fun! It's weird! I love it!

So when my recipient opened her gift and pulled out the pickle finger, everyone was full of laughter and elbowing and double entendre talk.  "I'll KEEP this one!" she said and everyone laughed.  Later when we were talking bout who gave what, I insisted "I hadn't even thought of it that way at all! Honest!"  She gave me a pat on the head.

I was relaying this story to everyone in Harald's room at Pleasant Valley Nursing Home last weekend and they just couldn't get over the fact that such a thing existed. 

Today, six packages will head out from the post office to Argyle, NY; Baltimore, MD; Madison, WI; . San Francisco, CA; and Chicago, IL.  Each will contain a note and a pickle finger.

Overslept!

First of all, inspired by this picture I chose to illustrate our oversleeping morning, I shall tell you a brief anecdote.  When my sister and I were children (roughly 7 and 10 respectively) she loved My Little Ponies.  I did not. I wanted to pretend we were adventurers and play outside in the mud.  One day, she and I were arguing because she wanted to play ponies and I wanted to be adventurers.  She said "I wish Kathy were my sister because then I would play ponies with her every day!" I stormed off and wrote the following into my Hello Kitty Diary:

Elizabeth wishes Kathy were her sister so she could play ponies more.  Well, I have a plan. Every day, I'm going to knock over one of Elizabeth's My Little Ponies on her shelf.  Today I'm knocking over Sundance. Tomorrow...Applejack.

I knew it would happen even as I went to sleep last night.  The kids and I had a lovely time at their school's craft night, though it ended with me having some parenting troubles.  Coen wasn't listening to me which is extremely rare and I panicked.  Everyone was there, watching me unable to control my eight-year-old.  EEEEK!!!!   And I made an enormous empty threat that parents tend to do when they don't know what else to do.  I told Coen to sit on the bench and wait for me and if he even moved, I was going to take away all his Pokemon cards for the rest of his life.  Pretty steep.  In the parking lot, on the way out of school, Coen spoke up.

"Mommy?  I would like to talk about what happened, but I don't want you to get mad at me again."

"Okay" I said, "We can talk about it."

"Well..."  he ventured. "I think that maybe that wouldn't have been a fair punishment.  I usually listen. That was the first time I didn't listen when you said it was time to go.  Maybe if it was the hundredth time I didn't listen, then that would be a fair punishment."

Tad and I, after finally getting our kids tucked into bed two hours later than usual, talked about how its been since I've gotten home from New York. I've been rather timid as a parent, I think, overshadowed by guilt of being gone so much this month, and also just mental exhaustion from being sad about Harald.  And Tad has been annoyed. And the more annoyed he's gotten with my timidity, the timider I've gotten.  Vicious cycle.  But we had a nice, long, fruitful talk last night.

When I set the alarm, I plugged it  in (it usually runs on batteries) thinking just in case... and fell asleep.  The next thing I knew, Tad was saying, "Alie? I'm getting in the shower. It's seven."

SEVEN!!!???

I needed to be to work at 7:30.  I went up to wake the kids after getting coffee on.  They were both extremely asleep.  On usual mornings, they are so slow getting dressed I actually have to practice deep breathing and convincing myself that I won't spend the rest of my life, sitting between their rooms in the hall...waiting.  So when I woke them, I stroked their little faces and said in a gentle voice, "You guys?  We are very late today. We slept too late.  So its going to be a special morning.  We won't eat at the table but you can bring POP TARTS in the car."

They have never gotten dressed so fast and so easily in all my days of parenthood.

I shall have to weight the benefits/disadvantages of having Pop Tarts in the car every day.

Just kidding.

Or am I?

Pandora

As you know, Tad and I got a new television.  Since we got the thing, I have watched less actual television than before its arrival.  We use it for movies on Netflix.  But mostly we use it to listen to Pandora.  Oh, how I love Pandora.  If you don't know, it is an online streaming radio website. You can create custom stations based on a band, type of music, or even a song.

So, last night Tad let Coen create a station.  He wanted an "All you need is love" station.  It played the Beatles (of course) and Van Morrison and the Rolling Stones.  We listened while we ate dinner and talked together.  Tad explained to the children the Pandora rating system.  You can click on the thumbs up or the thumbs down icons to let Pandora know how you feel about songs and it tailors the station exactly to your taste.  So with each song, our whole family voted with our thumbs and decided from there whether to keep the song or to thumbs down it.  Coen and Lucy love holding their thumbs out sideways to show that they "kinda like it, kinda don't." We decided that the thumbs sideways indicates a shrug.

After we finished eating, the station had somehow taken an eighties turn.  We had a family dance party to 99 Red Balloons and Come on Eileen The night ended with Goodbye Ruby Tuesday.  We switched dance partners, twirled around, danced holding hands in a circle, and jumped around the living room.  It was a lovely end to the evening, until the children got into the bath.

After their bedtime, Tad sat in front of me while I rubbed his shoulders and we listened to The Lemonheads radio on Pandora.  It was nineties musical heaven and Tad and I laughed and reminisced about college while we heard the La's, Belly, Matthew Sweet, The Gin Blossoms, The Cure, and of course, The Lemonheads.

I made fun of Tad because he was so blissed, getting a shoulder rub that he uncharacteristically clicked thumbs up on Blues Traveller.  I love our new TV. Even if it is just an oversized screen on which to view Pandora options and watch the occasional movie.

A visit to Pleasant Valley

As I flew home from New York yesterday, my head resting against the window, looking down at the carpet of clouds and listening to Patty Griffin, I thought and thought.  I thought about how twelve years ago, I was flying over a similar cloud cover and leaving my 24 year old life in Milwaukee to join the Peace Corps.  And the day I left, I was so full of fear and apprehension and longing to be back in the safety of my Milwaukee apartment and easy job and parties and friends all around.  But I knew that something needed to change and that I needed something...something real to challenge me.  In the Peace Corps I would make friends with people that I will know for the rest of my life. People that are now on the list of those I don't really want to do without. 

I was with many of those people this weekend.  We gathered together from west coast to east and went to see Harald.  You can read about Harald here.

Hannah drove from Chicago to my house and played with my kids and ate dinner with my family.  After the children were tucked into bed Hannah made cookies that she has been sending to Harald and that he loves. I made brownies from scratch which he requested.  Later on Rebecca and Jenny came and we all chatted until bedtime. 

Saturday morning the four of us flew to Albany where we met Steff and rented a red minivan and drove to meet Ryan in Argyle N.Y. at Lant Hill Farm Bed and Breakfast.  We stayed here for the weekend and it was the perfect place for our little group.

The farm was lovely and the breakfasts were all made from delicious home grown foods.  Being together was like a magical kind of therapy, bringing me back to my basest self--the self that is not mother, nor partner, nor defined by what I do or where I work.  I met these people when I was just searching for whatever it was that I wanted my life to be, becoming the self that I am now...  The best part was laughing together. 

Before we went to see Harald, we ordered a pizza for takeout (his request).  I called to place the order and my conversation with the pizza guy went something like this:

Me: Hello. I'd like to place an order for carryout.
Pizza Guy: Okay, what would you like.
Me: I'd like three large pizzas...
Pizza Guy: (Sounding alarmed) Twenty-four cut?
Me: What?
Pizza Guy: You want three twenty-four cut?
Me: Twenty four what?
Pizza Guy: Twenty four cut.
Me: I dont' know what that means
Pizza Guy: The large pizza has twenty-four pieces
Me: Oh!!!!  Well, are they twenty four big triangle pieces or twenty four small rectangle pieces?
Pizza Guy: Rectangle
At this point I look up and everyone is watching me have this conversation, including our B & B hosts.
Me: Okay, we'll do that.
Pizza guy: Are you having a party? Can I come?

Harald is staying in a nursing facility called Pleasant Valley. 

Each of us give him a long hug and he readjusts his bed so he's sitting up.  We talk, in whispers, so it won't hurt his head and we laugh and make jokes and eat pizza together.   Harald takes a bite of one of Hannah's cookies and holds it up.
"These saved me during chemo."
After awhile it appears that Harald has gone to sleep. 
"Should we go?" Steff whispers. 
"I don't know..." I whisper back. 
"I know..." Steff says, "Let's just hang out twenty more minutes and then we'll see if he wakes up again." 
"What if he is still sleeping in twenty minutes?" Rebecca asks. "Well..." Steff says, "then we'll reassess at that point."
We all kind of giggle, quietly.  Then we notice that Harald, who's eyes are still closed, is grinning. "I can hear you." he says. 
We all laugh.

On Sunday, we spend the entire day with Harald.  We talk and laugh quietly and we take turns, in pairs, leaving the room to lessen the population.  That night we return to our B & B and eat leftover pizza (The guy was right, there was enough to feed a large party of people).  We play catch phrase and talk and laugh. And laugh. 

Monday is the day we leave and we all head back to Pleasant Valley. We say goodbye to Harald one by one.  There are lots of tears.  I tell Harald that I will come back in summer to see him again.  We both cry. Harald doesn't want to cry, but I tell him, "Come on! It's okay! I even cry at tampon commercials!"

The trip back is filled with more laughter and joking. 

And on that flight home, I felt so pleased and lucky to have these incredible friends in my life.  And happy that we could all see Harald together.  And I looked at the passengers in the plane, reading their books and listening to music and working on their laptops and I thought about how each person on that plane might be as loved as we all love Harald.  And as we all love the people that we love.  It makes me want to be kinder and more patient with everyone.

It's all in the mood

Today was a rough morning.  Because of my attitude, mostly.  But even as I was annoyed, frustrated, and just plain mad...I could still see that a lot of amusing things were happening.

I set the alarm for 6:00 a.m. so I could go shovel the snow (in place of my usual exercises) and I got up at 6:20 and did just that.  The morning started well enough.  The kids got up, ate breakfast, and then went to their usual post under all the couch cushions to hang out until it's time to go.

I told Tad I'd take the kids today and he was in the kitchen getting ready and frustrated because he hadn't packed himself a lunch the night before and Lucy had taken a long time to wake up, so he was basically leaving at the same time he would if he did take the kids, yet he wasn't taking them.  That is annoying. I always dislike it on the days that I actually can leave scott free without any child duties and I end up leaving with them anyway.  It takes away from the pleasure of leaving on your own. 
Then he headed out the back door and saw that the two bags of oranges that I had ready to bring for our week of morning snack had fallen on the floor.  "What's this?"
"Oh, it's oranges for school." 
"I can bring them" Tad offered, picking them up. "This bag is about to break." He started to stuff them in another bag. 
"Forget it." I said. "I'll bring them." 
I have this thing about too many bags. It's totally psychotic, I know, but I just really get irked when too many bags make their way out of the house.  I'm thinking...well now that's just extra bags to put away.  I'm laughing as I type this. It's really ridiculous. But it really bothers me. But hey, that's why I'm in therapy, to figure these kinds of things out.  Bag problems. Baggage. Ha!
Anyway.
So I say, "I'll bring them."
And Tad says, "Why? Do you think I'm incapable of carrying oranges?"
I could start arguing here..  But I don't.  In fact I'm realizing how these arguments happen.  Snowballing commentary.

Speaking of snowballing... So Tad leaves and the kids take about twenty five minutes to get their snow stuff on.  Coen puts his boots on. Realizes. Takes his boots off. Puts his snow pants on.  Starts putting a boot on. Remembers something. Takes it off, and goes upstairs to get a book to bring to school.  Back to the boots.  And it goes on like that. With both of them. I am taking deep breaths, trying not to have a coronary about how long its taking to dress for the outdoors. And the snow.

Once we all get outside and the children make a huge show of getting "stuck" in the snow, we finally get in the car. I've forgotten something. I go back in and get it.  Then Coen announces he's forgotten something. I go back in and get it.  When I get back to the car, Lucy (who was buckled in and sitting is now unbuckled and standing) and has hoisted an object in the air.  "Look what I found!"  It's a McDonald's toy that makes noise.  I was hoping that was gone forever. 
"Did you find it on the ground?" Lucy asks.
"No..." I say.
"YES YOU DID!" Lucy says (loud enough to merit all capitals)
"Okay. Yeah. I found it on the ground."
"Did you think it was a piece of ice?" Lucy asks.
oh boy, I'm thinking...what's the right answer...  "No..."
"Yes you DID!"
"Okay, yes, I thought it was a piece of ice."
"WHY did you think it was a piece of ice?"
Honestly. You see how ridiculous this conversation is? I steer it elsewhere.  Coen and Lucy start singing along to the song this toy is making. It is a song that Tad made up when we got the kids happy meals during a three-hour layover at the Denver Airport a few years ago when I was trying to get everyone to stop saying inappropriate words.  All the way to school, Lucy presses the button over and over and the kids are singing "Inappropriate Denver Airport. Inappropriate Denver Airport. Inappropriate Denver Airport..."
Finally, we are at school. I drop them off grumpily after we clomp up the hill, through the snow, taking another twenty five minutes to traverse a couple hundred yards.  Tad peeks out of his classroom and begins to question my drop off order and our presence in the middle of the parking lot. We have another argumentative exchange. 
After I drop them all off (having gotten it together enough to at least be sweet with Lucy when I leave her), I stop at Tad's classroom and say a proper goodbye. We both apologize for our grumpiness.  I stop at Coen's classroom.  He is happily surprised to see me there and we have a nice, long hug.  I  tell him I'm sorry I was grumpy and that I'll see him after school.

The morning was no different from other mornings in terms of time taken and things going right or going wrong. It was a bad morning because I was in a bad mood.  Here's to trying again tomorrow. 
Oh. Wait.
Tomorrow's Saturday!

Things Tad says...

Recently, Coen was asking me questions about fallout. Kids at school were playing War on the playground and talking about fallout. I started to try and explain. Tad interrupted.
"I'll handle the Cold War questions."

I know I have blogged, talked, facebook'ed, and babbled on about how lucky feel to have the partner that I have...  I can't help it.

The thing that is so great to me about being in love with Tad is that I'm also friends with him.  And so the things he says to me can run such a gamut of romantic and sweet to sarcastic and wry...that I'm always interested.

For instance...last night when we were talking about love and our relationship, he came into the bedroom with his toothbrush in his hand.  "Do you know what's wrong with most other people?" He said.

I looked at him...
"They're not you."

Then this morning, it was quite a different scene.  I woke up (as I sometimes do) very unready for the world. I was clumsy and tired and moving with the grace of an ox around the kitchen.  I put waffles in the toaster.  Tad stifled a laugh.

"What!" I demanded
He mimicked the force with which I put the waffles down.  I made my frustrated noise.
My frustrated noise is really annoying.  I can't even begin to try and type with letters what it sounds like. I'm very proud of my frustrated noise.

He laughed.  Then I was in his way when he was tyring to get his breakfast going; I was looking for Tupperware.  Twenty assorted pieces of Tupperware crashed out of the cupboard. (Mostly because I had put them in quickly and haphazardly the day before and then slammed the door shut so they wouldn't fall out.  I do that.)

A few moments later, I accidentally bumped into him with two cups of orange juice in my hand.  Juice sloshed to the floor.
"I feel like I'm in the kitchen with Kramer." He said.

See how different?

It's quite a spread. I love that.  Here's one of my favorite quotes from Tad. He said this when I was mad at him for not being sensitive enough about something or other.

Me: (*frustrated noise*) Why are you being such a DUDE!
Tad: Well, sorry I'm not Ralph Macchio!

He's not. Ralph Macchio.  And I'm not Kramer.  We're Tad and Alie and we are in turns harsh, sarcastic, loving, sensitive, romantic, and lots of the time...funny. 

On January 15th, I'll be in Argyle New York visiting Harald.  That is a day that Tad and I usually celebrate with a picnic outside.  Yep, in January.  It marks the date that he and I followed an old Estonian legend and walked around Kaali Jarv (Crater Lake)  The legend is that if two lovers walk around whole lake holding hands and never letting go, they will stay together forever into eternity.  Tad and I made that walk around Kaali when he visited me in Estonia.  The day we did it, I misread the bus schedule and we were stranded in a tiny town on Saaremaa in 20 degree weather.  There was one little store open so Tad and I bought food and drink for a picnic and we ate outside. The bus came four hours later...eleven years ago.

I'd do anything for you dear, anything, for you mean everything to me...

 This song is in my head.  The song from Oliver Twist.  I'd do anything for you, dear, anything, for you mean everything to me....  I played a pick pocket boy in our middle school production of this play...anyway, the song is in my head because I'm thinking of my friend Harald. 
I'm going to see him this weekend.  My Peace Corps friends and I are meeting in Albany--six of us.  I rented us a minivan and found a little B & B just ten minutes from the nursing home where Harald is living..a B & B which sleeps exactly six and is owned by farmers who will come and make us organic vegetarian breakfasts in the mornings.  Perfect.

I talked to Harald yesterday and asked him if there was anything I could bring.  He asked for mint tea, brownies baked from scratch and for a picture.  He wants a picture of Vatslav Havel.  Vatslav Havel is the former president of the Czech Republic and also a playwright and a poet. He died recently.  But I did not know all this before googling him yesterday. And mine and Harald's conversation about this request was rather amusing. I guess that's what you get when a man with a Northern New York accent and a brain tumor (who also happens to be worn out from his consultation with the doctor at the hospital) tries to convey something to a woman who is hard of hearing.  This was our conversation:

Me: Anything you want me to bring you?
Harald: Yeah, some brownies with no...high fructose corn syrup...that stuff makes my tumor go crazy.
Me: Okay, I can do that. Anything else?
Harald: Mint tea.  And a picture of Vaslav Havel.
Me: Who?
Harald: Vatslav Havel
Me: What? Batsleff Hubble? Who's that?
Harald: No...Vatslav Havel!
Me: Vastef Huvel? Who is that!
Harald: Vatslav Havel. I want a picture of him for my wall.
Me: Okay, I'll get that for you.

I hang up after telling Harald I love him.  I have no idea who he's talking about.  So I open my laptop.  And google "Batslove Hubble"
I got a blog called The Contrary Farmer with a post called "a barn full of bats"  Apparently bats love mosquitoes. They eat them. That's what the post is about.  Well that can't be right.  So I google again
"Batsleff Hauble"
Now I'm at a wikipedia page for The Battle of Halbe.  Apparently this was was a battle in which the German Ninth Army, under the command of Colonel General Theodor Busse was destroyed as a fighting force by the Red Army during the Battle for Berlin. The most interesting thing I found here was there were 25,000 soldiers and several thousand civilians who were able to get through three lines of soviet troops....
Okay, well at least I'm learning something.
I try again
"Vatsleff Habel"
And finally I have it.  Vatslav Havel...I see the word "Czech" and I know this must be it. Harald lived in the Czech Republic for four years.  So I printed up some pictures for him.  This one was my favorite. He's with the Rolling Stones!

I am excited to see everyone.  Harald warns me that he looks different. I expect this.  I told him that he sounds the same and I know that he is the same Harald that I've always loved.  He says, "Yeah, well now I got the perfect face for radio."
I can't wait to see that face on Saturday.