Can your marks, get set, GO!

 My kids always say, when they're racing, "Can your marks. Get set. Go!"  I love that.
This weekend was a race of fun and activity.

Thursday evening, Tad's friend Dave (who he's known since he was in elementary school) came with his 11 year old son, Ethan to stay at our house for the weekend.  It is really fun to imagine Coen 30 years from now, hosting one of his friends and their children at his house. 

Friday was the last day of school at Highland.  We had a carnival.  I painted faces.  There was also a popcorn machine, a bounce house, basketball, a dunk tank, arts and crafts and a hot dog picnic.  A lovely, lovely time. 

Friday night, we went to the Brewer game.  30 of us tailgated and enjoyed the exciting Brewers win against the Padres.  During the tailgate, the children colored my father with sidewalk chalk, as you can see in the picture to the left. 

I like to sing "Never Surrender" by the Cory Hart of 80's music fame when the Brewers Cory Hart goes up to bat.  I did so, the first time I was paying enough attention to see that he was hitting and BAM, a home run.  It was very exciting.

The children were up until 11:00 in the evening and awake again promptly at 6:00 am on Saturday.

We spent that sleepy day on the South Side, at College Park when Tad and David met and went to school together. We played catch in the park and Coen got his first official baseball glove.  We bought Lucy one too. Pink, like mine.

After College Park, and Sports Authority (where we got Coen and Lucy's gloves) we went to Greendale village for coffee and chocolates and some time at the park there.

Dinner was DELICIOUS at Ned's Pizza.  We ate dripping, melting, yummy frozen custard at Leon's in the 90 degree heat, trying to lick our cones faster than they could melt.

 On Sunday, we took Dave and Ethan to the airport where they headed back to Florida.  Back at home, Tad and I sat in the shade of our front porch, listening to the Brewer game on the radio and watching Coen and Lucy run through the sprinkler.   

We ate Ned's leftovers for dinner while the children watched a movie and Tad and I both fell asleep until it was over. 

We were all in bed early and Summer officially starts today.  Coen's at Art Camp.  Lucy's at Highland Summer Program.  I'm at work. And Tad is in the air conditioning of his classroom, writing report cards.
Here we go, summer, here we go!!!

Six photos for my 6/6 birthday.

I had a lovely thirty seventh birthday, despite some sadness after the election's wake.

I woke up this morning to Tad cuddling up to me and giving me a kiss.
"How many birthdays is this?" He said into my ear.
"I'm the same age as you now!" I said.
"Good." He said quietly. "It's been hard sleeping with a younger woman. My wife's been feeling self-conscious."

Tad and the kids surprised me with a rain barrel which is something I've been wanting for a long time.   When I got out of the shower, I heard their whispers in the living room as they covered the huge box with couch cushions so I couldn't see what it was.

I picked up breakfast treats on the way in to work--grapes for the heath conscious, gluten free muffins for the gluten free, french bakery for those with refined tastes and doughnuts for the rest of us!

During the day, Tad sent me a video of each of my children sending birthday wishes.  Coen talking and Lucy singing.  He also sent me the above picture of himself at the game last night.

I had lunch with my parents, my sister and my niece at Stack'd.  After we ate outside on the patio, Beth took me shopping at my favorite store-Rethreads.
I got a few lovely new (old) articles of clothing there.





In the afternoon, I walked to Highland to meet my family and Coen and Lucy came running to me, both having made me a card. Lucy's was made with help by her friend Karrington.  There is a picture of Me and Lucy and of Tad and Coen.  It reads:

Happ Burthday mom-you-aer-the-best

mom home you hiv a grate Berth

To-Allee

Frum Lucy

Coen's is a comic of a spaceship flying over erupting volcanoes.  Then there is a black hole and a little person yelling "AAA! A good black hole!"  The spaceship is then seen flying over a mountain with a sign on it: "Alie Mounton"

 We all left school and went to Maharaja for dinner where I joyed in seeing my children eating Indian food.  Lucy liked the cheese pakora and the chicken from the tikka masala.  Coen liked it all, particularly the Papadam.  He said, "This tastes like a taco, with all the ingredients already on it!"

We ran into another Highland family there, the Truths.  I share a birthday with Yvette Truth and she was celebrating her evening at Maharaja as well.

We ended our night at YoMama for frozen yogurt covered in sprinkles and candy and caramel and fruit.

I love my birthday.  I so enjoy surprises, and let's face it, attention.  Today was a lovely day. 

What is essential?

Tonight is the recall election.  My heart is pounding and I've turned a movie on to get my mind off it.  NBC has already projected Walker as the winner.  And the 'in your face' mentality on Facebook starts.

I see all these back and forth conversation and there's so much meanness.  So much divisiveness.  This election, whatever the results are, is a near 50/50 race.  That means that ONE HALF of us want one thing and ONE HALF want something else.  And what we really need is something new entirely. 

I feel sick because to me Walker winning means that my children and the children in this state have less for their education.  It means poor people with disabilities have less medical care, less opportunity to go out and be in their communities.  It means teachers working harder and longer for less. It means someone running our state who believes my friends and family who are gay should not be able to visit their partners should they be hospitalized.  And for people who support Walker...if he should lose, they would have their own list of things that the loss would mean to them, that perhaps would feel just as devastating.

We are so divided and so angry and the conversation back and forth is tense and fraught with insult.  There needs to be a way for us to come to some conclusions without these back and forth votes that leave half the population feeling like something we value is in danger.  Maybe its a revolution that we need.  I wish I knew what it would look like.

But tonight, I am trying not to watch the results come in ever so slowly.  Coen chose "The Little Prince" as his bedtime story.  Tonight we lay side by side in his bed and I read:

"Goodbye," said the fox.  "And now here is my secret, a very simple secret:  It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."

"What is essential is invisible to the eye," the little prince repeated so that he would be sure to remember.

I put the book down and looked at Coen who was looking at me.  

"What is essential is invisible to the eye."  Coen said.

"What do you think that means?" I asked him.

"Why does the little prince want to remember it?" Coen countered.

"Well," I said, "What are things that are very important, but we can't see them?"

Coen looked up at the ceiling.  "Air." he said.

"Yes." I smiled

Coen went on. "Friendship?"

"Yes."

And then he dropped his voice to a whisper.  "Love."

I kissed his sweet, warm face.  

What is essential is invisible to the eye.

Goodnight friends.  Whatever happens in this vote...I am still going to work hard at being kind and open and compassionate and know that the world is due for a change.

Working (it) out...OR Exercising (your right)

Yesterday, as I was returning from my three-mile run, and I passed Matt, our favorite neighborhood mechanic, he yelled out to me, "Stop running so much! You'll get too skinny and your husband won't want you anymore!"   I didn't mind his sentiment at all; It made me laugh.  I yelled back "Oh don't worry! He'll keep on wanting me.  I'll just keep on eating ice cream!" And he laughed his big laugh and turned back this customer as I continued running on by.

That run was very helpful in my case of the the "mean reds"  I have had.  Being home with my family helped very much too.  Last night after dinner, Tad and I chatted in the kitchen while the kids played dress up.  After they were all decked out, they shared a "throne" in the living room and proclaimed themselves to be king and queen. "We're grown ups actually." Lucy asserted.  As Coen scooched over to make room for Lucy, he said, "Attention my royal subjects!  I would like to tell you the new rules!"
Tad sat next to me on the couch. "The new rules? We are ready!"
Coen proceeded to explain that the rules were that we do not have guns in our kingdoms.  Only swords. And we only use them if we absolutely need to. "But the good news is, we have a big army." he added.
"And monsters!" said Lucy, "Nice monsters that help us in our battles."
"Yes." Coen said, regally.
"As your royal subject" I said to King Coen, "I will take you to your royal bedchamber and read you a story before you sleep."
Lucy looked at Tad, "You must let me pick out two books and you must sing me a lullaby."
"Absolutely, you majesty." Tad said with a smile.

The children watched me exercises a little when they got up and then ran to the playroom to get back in their king and queen costumes this morning for breakfast.  After we ate, we all went together to vote on the way to school and work.  Lucy put in my ballot and Coen put in Tad's.  We saw lots of neighbors and friends there and it was a very exciting place to be. 

I feel good to be part of my community, both the small one in my house and the larger one around me.



I think Coen is attempting to look smug. But much like his mother, he can't quite pull it off.



Still waiting for the cloud to dissipate

I woke up this morning a little nervous to read what I blogged last night past one a.m. But I suppose it's not too terrible.

I am still waiting for this cloud of sadness, apprehension, frustration and apathy to dissipate.  I know it will and then a day or two later, I will get my period.  How unfair.  It's like having someone that isn't me, inside of me. I wish she'd leave. She's such a jerk.

But after I blogged last night, and wrote an email to my friend, I got back in bed and started to realize ways that I am to blame for frustration between Tad and I. So I got up again at 2:00 am and wrote Tad (who was sleeping in our room) an apology email.  I wanted to shake him awake and say, "go check your email!!" But that probably wouldn't have been wise.

Tonight we'll talk. And relax. And eventually I'll be myself again and Tad will be himself again.  And we'll be back up the hill on the winding, adventurous path of marriage.  And back down too.  But that's normal.  And the funny part is, my whole problem started last night because Tad washed sheets that I just washed. 

When we were talking Tad said, "I don't think these are real problems."

Maybe not. Maybe so.  But at any rate, I guess they're similar to a lot of people's ups and downs.

Blogging at 1:00 am. This can't be good.

There's been a lot of talk lately about how people get annoyed because I always talk about how great my life is, my husband is, my kids are...  It makes them feel like my life is perfect and there's something wrong with theirs.   So, here I am, up blogging at almost 1 am because I am annoyed with my husband and he's annoyed with me. 

So here's the negative stuff. so that you know I am normal.  I have great days but i have bad days too. bad, crappy, rotten, can't dig out of it days.

I am getting my period and it feels like I have a large chemical imbalance, akin to mental illness. I am depressed. I feel like I will never feel better. I keep snapping at my kids and I have no interest in anything.
Tad is coming down from his big Montessori everything.
Tonight, I was annoyed because I gave him tasks to do.  and he did them.  but really i just wanted to connect together.  see how he can't win?  we haven't connected since May 21st.  really connected. That was our anniversary.
So we had a fight.
And it wasn't a big one and we ended it amicably enough, but certainly no closer to being connected.
And I went to bed to read. and tad stayed up to "unwind"  by watching TV.
And in our house, you can see the person on the couch from our bed.  but when I got up to get a drink of water, I saw that Tad had moved a chair and was sitting in it, watching TV. so we couldn't see each other.  That made me inexplicably and endlessly sad. And because I have chemically imbalanced pms right now, i was sure that this was a sign that things were really. really. bad.

Eventually I fell asleep and when I woke up again it was 12:30.  And tad was not in bed yet.  and I got mad all over again because, he finally was semi-catching up on sleep (all the sleep he'd lost during his study process...and he's been unable to keep his eyes open at the end of every night since his exams last week and tonight would have been our chance to be alert and awake together but I blew it with my wifely naggings, and bad mood and insistence on things that perhaps are not as important as I thought they might have been.  And now he'll just be exhausted again tomorrow night.  And Tuesday night he's going to the Brewer game and will be up late once again.  It feel like there's no end in sight of our disconnect. I got up and asked him if he was coming to bed. He was. And now he's sleeping and I am awake. Because pulsing through my veins is the kind of irrational rage that you get when you mix being up too late, being overwrought and getting one's period.

So there you go.  I'm being real. Tad's been saying in response to those complaints I mentioned that maybe I should be more real.  But in my defense, it's not that I haven't been real up til now. I just mostly talk about good things.  That's what this blog is about--the funny, amusing, good things that you can find in each day if you look.  But tonight , I'm sharing a down of marriage. and we all have them.  Marriage goes along with all kinds up ups--wonderful moments, shared joy, laughter.  But it also has downs--those downs that leave you frustrated and annoyed, disconnected and lonely.

That's where I am.  At 1:30 a.m. on a Sunday night.

Happy Blogging for LGBT Families Day



Today is June 1st, also known as Blogging for LGBT Families Day In honor of said day, I'd like to share a short story.  As you might know, I am working on becoming a sexuality educator and I teach sexuality education as well as safe relationships classes to students with disabilities.  Because of this, I was very excited when Coen asked me, "Did I come from an egg?"
I explained that, in a way, he did.  That Mommy has eggs and Daddy has sperm and when they come together they make a zygote which grows into a fetus, which becomes a baby.  He was satisfied with that answer. That was when he was four years old. 
Then when he was seven, paging through a book about the human body, he asked me. "Mommy? How did Daddy get the sperm inside you?"
My moment had come.  To tell him the truth.
So I did.

And after I did, he thought a moment and then he said, "But my friend Grayson has two mommies and a donor.  How does that work?"

I was so proud of his reasoning mind.
I told him, "Well, sometimes if two women want to have a baby together, then a man can share his sperm with them to make a baby. And if two men want to have a baby together, then a women can share her egg and her body to help them make a baby."

He thought for a moment.  "Does it hurt...getting the sperm out?"

I laughed. "No honey. It does not hurt at all."

Fast forward to a bit of time later.  Coen's four year old sister Lucy was telling us that she was going to marry our neighbor, Zef.  But then one day, in the parking lot at school, she saw her friend Josie. 
"I'm going to marry Josie!" Lucy proclaimed.
"I thought you were going to marry Zef." Coen said.
"Well, now I'm going to marry Josie." Lucy said.
"That's okay!" Coen said brightly.  "If you marry Josie, Zef can be your donor!"

I love my kids so much.

And I want them to grow up and fall in love with whomever they fall in love with.  And legally marry whoever that person is, if that's what they want.  And as they get older, I will tell them stories about my coming of age and answer honestly the questions they have. I will tell them that I have had feelings for both men and women in my life. I will tell them that who I ended up falling in love with was their daddy. 

Because their daddy happened to be a man, we legally married.  But if it was a woman I fell in love with, we would not have been able to have that legal document, the tax breaks and the other perks that come with marriage.  That doesn't make any sense.  I want my kids to be able marry the person they want to marry. Whether that person is of the same or opposite sex.  And I hope that someday the picture below looks archaic as the picture above.

And whether Lucy and Coen marry someone who is a Josie or a Zef, or whether they choose not to marry at all, I wish them all the happiness imaginable.  And I wish that for you too, and any children you might happen to have.