Us, unplugged.

Last night I came home after a meeting and my hula hoop class, and saw Tad in the window doing the dishes. 

I saw him look out at me so I put my stuff down and started hooping for him in the back yard. 

After I came in, he clapped and then pointed out how dark the clouds were.

Later that night, Tad had the Brewers game on TV, music playing as background music.  I opened up my laptop to check email and then went in the kitchen to put away the drying dinner dishes.  Suddenly the lights flickered once, twice and then went out completely.

"Mama!" Coen called.

I felt my way in the dark to his room
"It's okay." I said to him.
"Oh, I'm not scared." Coen said. "Just surprised! Were you surprised? Where were you when it happened?"
Tad came up with a candle burning and we brought Coen downstairs with us to snuggle on the couch awhile.  We listened to the Brewers on the transistor radio by candlelight and watched some of the neighbors outside with flashlights.

After Coen was tucked back in with a flashlight, I joined Tad who was reading a book next to the candle. I got my book out too. And we read, in the darkness, Bob Uecker in the background, announcing the Brewer game.

***

 

Coen talked about it as we biked to school this morning, telling Lucy (who'd slept through it) all about the excitement of being without electricity.  I'm glad it didn't last long enough for the refrigerator to get warm, but it was a fun adventure.

 

 

Tad and I might not be cut out for the upscale life...

Tad and I had a wonderful anniversary weekend in Galena Illinois, celebrating our 9 year wedding anniversary.  We booked a "romance package" at a spa/resort hotel.

We pulled up next to a big Lexus SUV and a couple approached it as we left our minivan.  The woman appeared to be assessing the space between our cars. 
"Are we too close? "Tad asked politely.
"No. No." the woman said. "I'll just have him pull up."
"Well, we can move!" Tad said.
"Oh it's just I broke my foot, so I need more space. But it's fine. He can move up."
"I'm happy to move."
"No, he'll pull up. Under normal circumstances, I would be fine."
Tad replied, "Under normal circumstances, I wouldn't be here!"
Everybody laughed.

When we entered the lobby, we saw all kinds of golfer guys. I stared, mouth agape. I didn't realize that golfers actually looked like that! I thought they just looked like that in the movies! Tad said, in a Rodney Dangerfield voice, "Huh! This place is posh!" 

A bottle of nonalcholic bubbly and a plate of chocolates awaited us in our room. We sat together and continued the conversation we'd been having on the three hour ride there and slept a full nine hours without interruption.  BLISS!

Saturday morning was our spa morning!  We went down to the spa and filled out paperwork four our couples massage.  Under What would you like to get out of this massage experience? Tad wrote "Immortality"  The woman behind the counter laughed at that one. 
They sent us into the locker room to change and we were to meet in the relaxation room.  After I changed, I was just lurking in the hall in my bathrobe until a staff member found me and led me by my elbow to the relatxation room. Once in there, I noticed a jug of water with strawberries and cucumbers.  Since I was in the back, I didn't notice that there was a spigot in the front from which to despense the water. I looked around me and seeing no one, I opened the lid and scooped my water out of the top.  After five minutes, I heard the same woman in the hallway escourting Tad to the room as well. He was also standing, confused, in the hallway wondering where to go. Once he joined me I realized about the spigots and told him what I did to get the water out.
"Classy." He said.
I was worried that during the experience of getting a massage together in the same room would lead e to be obnoxious and want to giggle. But it turned out that it was just like getting a massage alone. It was only after the massage therapists left the room that I looked up at Tad and laughed about the fact that we were both there.

I stared at a lot more sterotypical golfers over the weekend and upset a few more upscale people with my silliness but we had a tremendously lovely time connecting, sleeping in, eating and walking around together. 

I know nine years isn't a long time, but it sure was worth celebrating.

Waiting

I don't like to wait.  Which is why I try meditating every day. And just being at the right now that it currently is.

But sometimes I forget.

Right at this very moment, I am waiting for my phone to ring.  I have a 10:00 a.m. phone appointment to discuss a work-related thing about which I am very excited.  I am so excited, in fact, that I emailed my future caller to say that he could call me anytime as I am right by the phone!  That was probably a bit over the top, but nonetheless...

I am also waiting to hear back about a grant we applied for for my program.  This grant will change a lot about the face of my program and I am very anxious to hear back and know what's going to happen.

I am waiting for tomorrow too.  Tomorrow, after work, Tad and I will drive to Galena, Illinois to celebrate our ninth anniversary (which, incidentally isn't until May 21st..but our babysitters -- Tad's parents -- happen to be available this weekend).  So I am waiting for the moment Tad and I hop aboard our minivan, stop for coffee and head south.

Waiting is hard for me.  I am a very high speed individual.  I multi task.  I do things fast.  Yesterday, I said "I just need twenty minutes, before this meeting starts, to finish this mailing!"  And I had it done in ten.  I usually read the last chapter of a book before I start it or somewhere in the middle. So I don't have to wait.  To find out what the ending will be.  Tad calls me (among other names) "Hasty McGee". 

Sometimes I wish I could do that with my own life. BUT.  If I had peeked at the end of my twenties, when I was twenty oneish and freaking out about what that ending would be like, I would have been extremely satisfied.  So I guess I should take the lesson from 21 year old Alie and tell 37 year old Alie to shut up and stop trying to read the ending. 

It keeps on coming.  Phone call.  Grant.  Weekend.  Age 50.  All of it.  That's the wonderful thing about remembering to live in the moment.  Now. Now. Now.  The rest of it is on its way.

I think my psyche has the flu.

I think my psyche has the flu.  Do you ever feel that way?  Here are the symptoms of a psyche flu:
1. Bad and stressful dreams
2. Nervous butterfly feeling in stomach all the time
3. Being sort of stuck inside your own head
4. Feelings of not really sadness or melancholy or anger, but just sort of blankness
5. A really weird taste in your mouth

Admittedly, that last one might just be something I ate.

But sometimes this happens. Your mind gets the flu.  It can happen, I suppose, because of stress. 

I'm a bit stressed at work which is making me really scattered at work.  I know because yesterday I taught sexuality education and usually am unflappable and can say vagina and vulva and testicles with nary a twinge, but there was a cute student teacher and the kids all had ridiculous grins on their faces and it, quite frankly, put me right off my game!  I even stumbled over my words!

It can happen, I guess, if your mind isn't getting the rest it needs.  Hence the dreams.

I keep dreaming that I have cancer.  I'm dying and I have cancer and it's just terrible.  And LAST night I dreamt that while I had cancer, I was tyring to figure out what to do about work and found that there were cartloads and cartloads of acrylic paint everywhere and I was thinking I can't BELIEVE I didn't know about this paint! I could have been using it for projects! And now I'm going to die and what will happen to all this PAINT! So right there you can see, that not only am I stressed but I'm also really weird. I mean, who worries about leaving behind paint in their untimely demise?!

It happens to everyone I imagine and I know, like any flu, it will pass.  My psyche must rest (meditate) and take medicine (do fun things that my psyche likes) it it will pass.

The feeling stuck in my head and sort of blank comes out and I feel bad that I'm not as present as I want to be with everyone around me.  I told Tad on Sunday after I was really sort of cranky when I came outside with him and the kids and a bunch of neighbors, before I figured out that my psyche was ailing, that I felt bad for being so cranky around everyone.  And he said, "It's good for people to see that you're not just vomiting rainbows all the time."

But you know, I think my brain will feel better after it does vomit some rainbows.  I better keep an imaginary plastic bucket around.  Just in case.

Exercising with three family members in the room is not easy

Yesterday morning everyone was, in a strange and rare moment, happily occupied, requiring none of my attention.  Tad was playing Strat-o-matic baseball at the dining room table.  Coen was playing with Legos and Lucy was coloring.  I looked around and thought well, if nobody needs me, I think I'll exercise.

I brought my yoga mat and laptop to the floor and then Tad said, "What are you doing?"
"What?" I said (kind of defensively) "I'm going to do some yoga."
Tad got up and switched the TV on. "Why don't you do it on the TV so you can see it better?"
"Because you guys are listening to music."
"Not anymore." Tad said and put YouTube on the television.
"Oh." I said. "Okay!"

So turned on a 35 minute yoga workout video.  Tad glanced at the screen to see three muscular women in shorts and sports bras.  Then he looked at me.  As a workout was kind of an afterthought, I was wearing jeans and a long sleeved t-shirt. "Shouldn't you be wearing less clothes?" He asked me.

I started the workout and then Tad started laughing at the militancy of the lead woman.  "Wow." he said. "Is she going to start jabbing them in the ribs?"  I started laughing which made me lose my balance in the sun salutation I was doing.  "Stop it!"

Then Lucy, taking notice, joined me on my yoga mat, making strange squeaky noises which I interpreted to mean look at me!  "Good job, Lucy!" I said encouragingly.  She covered her face, ever uninterested in complimentary talk.  "Sorry, jeez!"  I said.

Then Coen started in.  "Mommy, why aren't you doing the advanced poses?  Aren't you advanced? When will you get advanced?"
"Yeah, Alie." Tad said laughing, "Why aren't you gettin' advanced?"
"Stop it you guys!" I said. "I can't balance when I'm laughing!"

Then, as I was in downward facing dog, my left leg in the air, Lucy wrapped her arms around my right leg, planted on the ground.  When I put my left leg down again, she struggled out of in between my legs, knocking me and herself back down on the mat. 

I turned my attention back to the woman on the TV.  "Leg up!" She was saying, "Now stick it!"
"STICK IT?!!!" Lucy said.  "Stick WHAT? I don't want to stick it!"
I was laughing again.  And sweating.
"Lucy." I said.  "Do you want to go get my tank top?"
"Your WHAT top?"
"Go in my room and get the green and white shirt that's on my chest?"
"Your CHEST?" She said climbing on to my back and tapping my actual bodily chest with her fingers.
I laughed again.  "In my room!" 
She went in there but didn't find it, so I ran in myself and changed quickly and went back to my video. 
Tad glanced up at me. "That's better."

I managed to finish it. It was a hard workout, made harder (and more entertaining) by all three of my family members.  After I switched off the TV, both Coen and Lucy looked up and said, "Do another! Do another!"

Cripes!

Meanwhile, back in Milwaukee...

 

 

 

 

 So Coen's at Camp Matawa with the entire lower elementary of Highland Community School and it appears he's having a lovely time.  Here he is on the bus with two of his dearest and on the Gaga Ball court.  Gaga Ball is a version of dodge ball, taught to the children by the illustrious Mr. Barry--enrichment coordinator extraordinaire. 

Since Tad's on the camping trip as a teacher and school staff, I'm not getting a lot of news of my elder child, but his teacher Ms. Chimere sent me the bus photo and the Gaga ball picture just came through from Tad.  Today they are canooing and doing archery.  I know they also have nightly campfires and sing alongs too if Mr. Barry has anything to do with it.  I hope they are all having a wonderful time, but I do miss my boys!

Meanwhile, back in Milwaukee, Lucy and I had a girls night with her friend Siri and my friend Natalie.  Here's Siri's picnic umbrella that she set up for yesterday's dinner. 

It is an interesting thing: going from two children and a spouse to just one child.  It certainly makes for quicker flowing bedtimes and wakeups.  Lucy was bathed and tucked into bed in a 1/2 hour last night and I was downstairs promptly at 7:30 for tea and chatting with a friend. And this morning, we were even able to go grocery shopping BEFORE school! 

It is a funny thing, how much simpler it is with one less child, but nonetheless, I am very excited to see that bus return to Milwaukee tomorrow afternoon and have my whole family back again.



Love (look out, this post is a little over the moon)

"Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth, 'You owe me.' Look what happens with a love like that. It lights up the whole sky."

- Hafiz

I just read this quote on my friend Nathan's blog and I had to pass it on.  It feels a little kismetty that I read it this morning, because I've been thinking a LOT about love and its existence.  Whether people really believe in it.  And I let some things, recently, shake that belief a little. 

 

But here's the thing.  I believe in it.  I believe in love.  True love. Soul mates. Love of one's life. Whatever you want to call it.  I have believed in this love since I was twelve years old.  I remember because when I was twelve, I made a list of five things I wanted to do before I died.  Here it is:

 

1. Fall in love

2. Join the Peace Corps

3. Make a record.

4. Write a novel

5. Hold a monkey

 

I have done the first three (well I made a CD--there weren't CDs yet when I made that list).  I am working on number four. And I have a reasonable belief that I can manage number five at some point in my life. 

 

Anyway, I do believe in it.  And it doesn't mean I believe in the 'happily ever after' fairy tale kind. I believe in working your ass off to make relationships work. And I believe sometimes you work and it isn't enough.  I know people marry for reasons other than love, or that sometimes love can grow from friendship. I know there is all kinds of love.  I know a lot of people going through divorces right now, going through troubled times.  And Tad and I have certainly struggled.  We struggled HARD in the beginning of our relationship.  There was a time I wasn't sure we'd make it.  And this month, we'll have been married for only nine years. That's just the age of a child, in terms of marriage.  It's really relatively new still.   And we'll keep working, and we'll run across trouble and I know I can't know what will happen in the future.  But I know that now, when he calls me in the middle of the day or I see him unexpectedly...my heart still leaps.

 

Both my parents recently and independently of each other, told me not to stop believing in it.  So I will listen to my parents.  And to myself and keep believing in the kind of love that lights up the sky.