Everything's not always rainbows and rose bottoms



The kind of thing I do at the beach, in case a helicopter is low enough to see.

 So, this weekend, a very dear friend of mine came to stay.  After she left, Tad was telling me how much he liked having her around. We talked about it on Sunday.  Though, perhaps I should back up... On Saturday morning, Tad woke up in a bad mood. I could tell when I got into bed at 12:30 a.m. after going out on Friday night, that he wasn't doing so well. His sleep felt very serious to me.  It was a serious, no-nonsense sleep.  I wonder if that makes sense to you, readers...  Sometimes when I go out and come home after Tad's already gone to bed and I get into bed and he's sleeping, I can tell he feels good and happy and I can wake him up to tell him I'm home and cuddle up.  But Saturday night, when I got into bed, I could tell, by his serious sleeping that he wasn't in a good place.
Anyway.
So Saturday morning, I let him sleep in and when he got up he walked into the living room and turned up the thermostat.
Tad: Don't believe in heat around here?
Me: (Looking at him and narrowing my eyes)
Tad: (Turning down the TV) You got some good loud shows on? (Walking away)
Me: (Looking at Steph for mutual annoyance...and not getting it.)
Steph: He's so cute
What? Cute?
So fast forward to later on in the day.
Tad: I like having Stephanie around.  It's really comfortable being around her, even when I'm in a bad mood.
Alie: Yeah, when you came out this morning and were all like (in a purposefully deeper and grumpy-sounding voice) turn up the heat! Turn down the TV! She said you were CUTE!
Tad: (Laughing) Yeah, well she knows its not all rainbows and rose bottoms.

Now this was the second time this past weekend that I was accused of thinking everything should be all rainbows and rose bottoms. Except those words would only have been used by Tad. I believe the other complaint was that I think everything should be all peace and togetherness.

My sister and our friend were having a small conflict prior to our girls dinner outing on Friday.  She called me ahead of time to make sure I wasn't going to be "all dramatic peacemaker at dinner and try to mediate".  I assured her that I would stay out of it.

In some ways, both those statements  (ahem), complaints, are true.

But, thanks to the therapy I've been doing over the last year, I can actually handle a conflict without feeling like I'm going to explode.  I can sit in a room where people are having tension and not want to run screaming from it.  I can go through a day knowing that someone is mad at me and not want to spend all my time and energy trying to get them unmad or no longer annoyed with me.

That is some big progress, people.

BUT having said all that. I do like peace and harmony. And being positive even when things are rotten.  And conflict resolution.  And rainbows and rose bottoms.  Whatever those are.

Don't laugh

My daughter does not want to be laughed at.  It's true. I don't understand how a child of mine does not want to be laughed at, but I assume she'll grow out of it.  But when she says things like this, it's really hard:

Lucy: So...Scott Walker is a bad guy but Luke SKY Walker is good guy?
Me: (Laughing)
Lucy: Don't laugh!

Then later she was singing and putting in the word "fart" to all the lyrics to "All You Need is Love."  I laughed.  "Don't laugh!" She said, putting her hand in front of me.  

I can't help it. She's funny. Tad and I try to tell her that she's funny and it's a compliment when people laugh at you.  I then tried to expound upon that by explaining the difference between being laughed AT and being laughed WITH.  I guess a four-year-old, even MY four-year-old doesn't quite grasp that.


At night, when we tuck her in, we say "Don't let the bed bugs bite." But Tad turned it into this game where you insert a detail in the sentence that describes what's going on in Lucy's life.  For example: tonight I said "Don't let the school day tomorrow bed bugs bite."  On Friday, I might have said, "Don't let the Lucy took a bath tonight bed bugs bite." 

Tonight in response Lucy said, "Lucy got a time out for tackling her brother even though he said not to bed bugs bite...DON'T laugh!" and put her hand in front of her face.

"I'm not laughing" I said, smiling at her, closing her door as I left, and laughed all the way down the stairs.

Don't Laugh!

Though I don't know how a person's supposed to be able to help it.

Frosty the Snowman

Last night I made chocolate chip cookies so Tad could eat cookie dough.  I made a half batch which should yield about three dozen cookies.  Mine yielded two dozen and two extra cookies.  THAT'S how much cookie dough Tad ate: Enough for 10 cookies.

I wonder if school will call today and ask me to pick him up.

While I was making cookie dough and he was doing the dishes, we were chatting and he was telling me about how he didn't feel like he was having the greatest week at school and he sort of felt like a creep because he didn't have his usual patience level.

"That's okay, baby.  Even when you're at your worst, you're still a kind soul."
And then I started giggling.  Because I said it without really choosing my words and 'kind soul' is really not a phrase that I would normally use. It sounded sort of silly. 
Tad laughed too. "Am I Frosty the Snowman?"
Well then, I had to retaliate.  I grabbed him under the arms which really tickles him.  
He got away and went over to the couch where I sat next to him.
"You KNOW what I mean!" I said.
Of course he did, but the moment was lost and he was way too amused with himself.
Then he broke into song
"Frosty the snowman, was a jolly kind old soul. With his g-d kids and his f-ing wife..."
I tried to retaliate again but it was too funny.

He sang his version of Frosty the Snowman for the rest of the night, censoring it of course for the children. (By sensor, I mean he mouths the swear words so they can't hear them, but I still know they're there.)

At bedtime, as I brought Lucy upstairs to brush her teeth, I heard her singing under her breath.  I leaned closer to see what it was.

Frosty the Snowman.

A comedy of errors morning

This morning was sort of full of comedic problems.

6:05  The alarm goes off.  I hit snooze.
6:10 The alarm goes off. I try to hit snooze but knock the alarm off the table and it goes skittering across the floor. (I should mention, our alarm clock is Tad's old cell phone on vibrate).  There it sits on the floor, still vibrating.  I try to get it without getting out of bed and nearly fall out onto the floor. I knock something else over.
Tad: What's happening?
Me: I'm hitting snooze
Tad: You're hitting snooze?  Throwing things on the floor and jumping on my arm and falling out of bed?
Me: I'm trying to hit snooze. There.  Now we can go back to sleep for five more minutes.
Tad: I don't know how I'm going to get relaxed again after all that. 
By this time it's:
6:15 The alarm goes off again. I get up and take a shower.  In the shower, I remember that it's actually Tad's turn to shower first.
6:25 I go in by Tad to wake him up.
Me: (A little too loudly) I'm out of the shower!
Tad: Shhh.  I noticed
Me: I accidentally showered first when it's your turn to shower first. Isn't that funny?
Tad: Yeah, this morning is hilarious.

Upstairs, Tad gets the children ready for school. 
Lucy:  Daddy, Mommy said it was going to be 75 today.
Tad: Really?
Lucy: Yes
Tad: (Calling downstairs) Alie?
I don't hear him because my hearing aid is broken so he has to say my name several times.  But I'll spare you. (sort of)
Me: Yeah?
Tad: Is it going to be 75 today?
Me: What?
Tad: Is it going to be---
Me: (interrupting) I heard you. No, it's going to be like yesterday.
Tad: Lucy said you said it's going to be 75.
Me: No...I didn't say that.
Lucy: (Yelling from the recesses of her room) Yes you did!!
Me: No I didn't!
Tad: Okay well, let's find you a long sleeve shirt then
Lucy (to Tad) YOU said it was going to be 75 today.
Tad: I don't think anyone ever said that.

When they all came downstairs, Lucy saw that I had the box of granola out.  She loves granola and excitedly grabbed the box which was conveniently placed behind a full cup of water. She spilled the water all over the table, floor and herself. I took her back upstairs to begin yet again the arduous process of choosing another outfit to wear. At least she didn't try to claim unseasonably warm weather again.

When I came back I found that Tad was doing this thing that drives me absolutely insane. He was using a beach towel to wipe up the spill.  This drives me crazy because beach towels are big and I don't see why such a big item (which takes up lots of room in the washing machine) should be used to clean up a spill.  I make an angry noise. 
Me: I am angry.
Tad: I can tell
Me: You did it again
Tad: Oh, yes, I remember you mentioning something about this
Me: (Holding up a kitchen towel for an exhibit) You can use THIS kind of towel to clean up spills.  THIS kind of towel doesn't take up so much room in the washing machine. 
Tad: I used two of THOSE kind of towels. They didn't do anything
Me: You used TWO kitchen towels and a beach towel to clean up a cup of water?
Tad: (Smiling proudly) Yes.
Me: ARG!!!! (I don't think that's exactly how you spell the noise I made.)

Finally, while we were eating breakfast, Lucy requested chocolate milk on her mini wheats. I said no.  I told her it was because they already have sugar on them (which is true and a better parenting reason for the real reason which was that there is hardly any chocolate milk left and I don't want to waste it on cereal that Lucy may or may not eat).  So she poured her whole cup of white milk in to her cereal. Then Coen requested chocolate milk on his. (I don't mind so much giving it to him because he's guaranteed to actually eat his food so it wouldn't feel like such a waste). I brought him into the kitchen and made him eat his at the stove, sitting on a stool and I stood with him so Lucy wouldn't become indignant about her lack of chocolate milk.  Lucy came in to ask me something and I deftly intercepted her, bringing her back to the table.  Tad raised his eyebrows at me.  I went back to join Coen.
Tad (coming into the kitchen): Oh.
Me: We're involved in an operation.
Tad: I can see that.
Me: It's highly secret.

But Coen was done and Lucy "finished" her breakfast.  Which basically looks like her breakfast did when I first put it on the table except there is a bite out of her bagel.  So you see why I don't want to waste chocolate milk on her.

And why I had my son eating at the stove.

Actually, I'm not sure why I did that. Except that's where I had hidden his cereal. He just pulled up a stool and started eating.

It was off.  Don't judge me. 

Oops.

I had a series of missteps, misunderstandings and mistakes yesterday that in no way ruined my day, but rather enhanced it with mild amusement. I prefer my amusement to be on the extreme hilarity end of the spectrum however I'll take amusement even as mild as mild can be, in most any form.

In the class I taught at Shorewood high school I called THREE students by the wrong names.  They all forgave me of course, but who likes to be called by the wrong name? No one, that's who.

When I got home from work and brought in the mail, I saw that we had a credit card bill. And on the bill in large, dark letters it claimed that due to being late last month with our payment, we would now have a higher interest rate.  I grabbed the phone and began to complain in my most indignant, and assertive (can you be those two things at once?) voice that "I am NEVER late on my bill (all the while logging into my bank account online so I could prove it) and I ALWAYS pay on time and....Oh.  Nevermind." (I realized that somehow I had skipped our March payment entirely as shown by my online banking history.)  "It's not my fault", I told the friendly southern sounding customer service representative, "March went really fast."  Apparently March going really fast is not a good enough reason to remove a late fee so, alas, I paid my bill, adding $25 to my usual amount for the late fee.

Then in the early evening, after dinner, we listened to our family-created "all you need is love" station on Pandora and Lucy and I cuddled while Tad and Coen played UNO.  The light kept going on and off and in my head I was thinking, maybe Harald is communicating with me telepathically.  (My friend Harald, as you know, if you've been reading awhile, is ill and he is now in the end stages of his illness.  I'm not sure how long he has and I continue to call him every day even though I'm not sure that he knows it's me anymore).  Once it was my turn to play UNO with Coen, I realized that the light was going on and off because Coen was turning it on and off with his feet.  So much for my telepathic communication with Harald.  Though I suspect we can still have telepathic communication somehow, maybe just not through my living room lamp.

I thought there was something else but I can no longer remember it. Maybe it was not that funny.  I used google images to look for a picture for the word "oops".  Mostly inappropriate things came up.  And here I thought "oops" was such a benign word. I think Brittany Spears might have ruined it's innocence.  Well, above is the only picture I found that wasn't involving someone accidentally exposing themselves or wearing a bikini or looking vaguely like they should be in a magazine with a suggestive name...  And I like shoes. 

Pretend......

So first of all just let me say that I'm really glad that my kids play pretend.  They are so good with their imaginations and that makes me endlessly happy.  And sometimes I like to pretend with them!

However, sometimes the pretend intro sounds like this:
Lucy: Mommy! Let's play house!
Coen: Yeah! Let's play house. Pretend you're the mom and we're the kids and we're being really naughty--
Me: Okay, let me stop you there. You guys, I LIVE house. I don't want to PLAY house
(Unless I'm in the middle of making dinner. Then I just change the game to say "Pretend I'm the mom and I'm making dinner and you guys are the kids and you go play by yourselves." That game's awesome.)

Tad's friend Erik stayed with us last night with his daughter Natalie.   Erik  showed me this picture he took of his cat with Lando Calrissian. 

Is this not one of the funniest pictures you've ever seen? Look at this cat's face?  He's like "Dude. Eff off, okay?  Lando's my hero."  That's why I had a caption contest on Facebook and you can still contribute if you want to. Here or on Facebook.  I have five so far, but I want MORE!

Anyway, Natalie, Coen and Lucy were playing that they were a dog and two cats respectively.  And they kept coming into the kitchen and saying "Pretend...that you guys are our owners and you are taking us for a walk" or "Pretend...that you're the lobby manager (that was Erik. I'm not sure there even is such a thing as a lobby manager but if there is, I'd like to job shadow one.) and you chase us out of the lobby."  And every time they said "Pretend..." it was with great upward inflection. And Coen actually pronounces it "Fretend" which is adorable and I will never correct him. Not even if he still saying it like that when he's twenty.

So we were "pretending" to throw their doggie toys and balls of yarn far away, like WAY way far into the living room so it would take them longer to go get them and come back into the kitchen where Tad, Erik and I were talking and drinking coffee.  But they did come back eventually and so I got them all doggie and kitty treats (pretend) and bowls of water which they lapped up with their tongues.

They had fun pretending even though we were trying not to pretend with them as much as possible.

I do love pretend. I do. But when my kids rope me into playing house or feeding me all my lines, I don't like that.  If I'm going to fretend, I'm going to fretend my OWN way!

Didn't hear or didn't listen?

So I'm what they call hard of hearing. I am deaf in one ear.  Now, this can be a boon in such situations as: In the middle of the night when the kids call and I'm sleeping deaf ear up, guess who has to get up and deal with it.  Yep, Tad.  When the children are screaming or drumming or banging on the piano...it's just a bit less harsh to my ears...I mean, ear.

And even though now I have a hearing aid, which brings my hearing to basically normal, I think I might still be in the habit of well...not listening. I guess because I assume I just won't hear or I'm used to not hearing... I sometimes will ask someone a question and then just fail to listen to the answer.  Such things happened this evening.

We had some friends over today and I went to order a pizza for us.  "Thin crust!" Tad said.  When I ordered the pizza, I ordered no such thing.  I heard him though. I even had it in my head.  But when  I talked to the pizza guy I ordered two medium pizzas.  That's it. No details. And of course we got thick crust.  Or hand tossed. Or whatever it is when it isn't thin crust.

Then I took Coen and his friend Natalie to the gas station to get cash to pay the pizza guy and I told them they could both get a soda there.  "What kind do you want?" I asked Tad and Erik.  "Mountain Dew" said Tad.  "Coke or Pepsi." said Erik.  "What kind?" I said, "Coke or Pepsi?"  And he answered.  But when I got to the gas station, I could not think what kind of sodas the guys wanted.  "Just grab three Cokes or Pepsis" I told Natalie. She brought me three Pepsis and we were on our way. 

At dinner, Tad and Erik spent a good full minute making fun of me about how people sometimes forget things.  Or maybe people don't listen.  I only know this because they told me later.  I didn't actually hear them.  I had my hearing aid in though. I think I just wasn't listening.

"Wow." I said later, "I must have tuned you out." 
"It's about time." Tad said.
"April 21st, 2012." Erik said.

Didn't hear? Didn't listen?  Maybe I'm just tuning you out!