I get by with a little help....

After being home both Monday and Tuesday with one sick child, I was looking forward to going back to work on Wednesday.  I would wear my Halloween costume. I would get out of the house. I would go teach my class at Goodwill.  But then at 1:00 a.m. I awoke to the sounds of Lucy's cry and Tad running up the steps. When I heard the bathroom sink running for an inordinate amount of time, I said aloud, "Oh no!" and went upstairs to see what was up.  Please don't be sick, I thought.

Sure enough. Lucy had thrown up all over herself and her bed and Tad was cleaning up the mess.  We got her changed, cleaned, the bedding stripped and changed and Lucy soothed and back to bed.  "Damnit!" I said.  "I don't WANT to stay home again tomorrow!"

But I did.

This morning I went up to Lucy's room when she called and she started talking about wanting to bring candy to school today.
"Honey." I said. "You aren't going to school today."
"Why?"
"You threw up last night, remember? You're sick."
"That was NOT throw up." Lucy said determinedly.
I silently sat back on her bed and looked at her.  She looked at me. We had a stare-down for about a full three minutes. Then she sighed.
"It was throw up." She said and climbed onto my lap.

And my parents came over to help me for a couple hours so I could still teach my class.
And a real perk of having my parents help me is that I get ridiculous texts like the one shown below at the bottom.

Lucy's now lounging out on the couch, digging through her Trick or Treat bucket, looking at the candy I won't let her have, and watching Caillou.  I'm wearing my devil horns and tail and sitting close to her on the couch.  I decided it's Halloween and I am dressing up, public or no public.

Let's hear it for tomorrow and my hopeful return to the working world.  And my children's health!

Happy Halloween Everyone.

Spooky

 This is Darth Maul.  He went trick or treating on Saturday night but didn't want to do the whole Darth Maul thing. So he wore the costume, painted his face black and said he was "nothing."

Trick or treating in the dark in very crowded streets with a boy all in black is very stressful indeed!

Sunday, he let me do the face paint. But then he looked in the mirror and was disappointed.  He went immediately and washed it off.

Prior to Sunday's neighborhood trick or treat block party, he spent most of the day laying on the couch.

 And here's my purple fairy princess.  She changed her mind on the whole elevator thing. Frankly I was glad. Considering the amount of back and forth/head to head struggle we had regarding her wearing the pants and sweater she has on beneath her costume for warmth... I can't even imagine trying to get this girl satisfied in a cardboard box all day!

Lucky for me she had a tiara built in to her cozy hat and her mittens just happened to be...purple! This girl had a BLAST trick or treating.  And playing with her friends.  The block party ended in tears because she got some burrs on her frock.  She emerged from a back yard, huge crocodile tears coming out of her eyes, screaming, "Mommy! BURRS!!! BURRS on my DRESS!" 
I picked them off her royal highness' dress one by one to her complete satisfaction.

Here we have my boy post block party.  He came in with under his daddy's arm and lay on his lap on the couch immediately.  Because he was shivering uncontrollably, Tad gave him a bath and tucked him into our bed with the space heater on.  Just before he fell asleep, I took his temperature.
104!
This explained the way he was acting all day.
Here he is, awake from his nap, desperately trying to make it for the start of the World Series.
He didn't
But we DVR'd it and he watched it during his many hours on the couch today.  I'll be staying home with him tomorrow.

Look at this girl. The stark opposite of her brother at the same moment in time. She is sporting the flashing ring she got from her Grandpa and Nana. 
This girl was also home today because of Parent/Teacher conferences.
(Side note, I had hers and her teacher tells me she is quiet, easy-going and compliant. WHAT?!)
It was quite a feat today juggling my feverish, cuddly boy and this wild girl who started the day jumping in bed with me, jamming her feet and elbows and cranium in my face and saying, "Good morning mommy! Can I fart in your bed!?"

I'll be home tomorrow with Coen, whose fever seems to have gone.  I had to cancel a presentation I was supposed to give in the Dells -- for which I feel extremely guilty... But my job is Mama first and that's where I'm more needed tomorrow.

Toast.

I was so relieved to find kringle in the kitchen at work on Friday morning. Because I was still hungry after breakfast.  And to explain why I was still hungry after breakfast, I must first back up to Wednesday morning. 

Wednesday morning I poured the kids each a bowl of cereal and set it at the table with their milk, juice, and vitamins.  Coen came marching in after me with a very angry face.
"I don't like this cereal."
sigh.
"Well Coen." I said, "You can make yourself something else then."
"What?!!" he exclaimed practically falling on the floor.
"Make some toast. You know how to make toast."
After several attempts at protest, he resignedly made himself some toast.

Then realized how fun it was.

So then he made toast again on Thursday night to eat with dinner.

And he announed before bed that he was going to make us all breakfast on Friday morning.
TOAST!

I am not kidding you, it took him almost a full 45 minutes to make our breakfast. Seriously. Tad was late for work!!  He made mine first, very delicately spreading butter crust to crust.  Then he made Tad's. Same thing.
I said "Coen. Don't you want to toast two at a time? It's faster."
"No." he replied. "This is fun. I'm spreading out the fun."
AND HOW!
So while mine and Tad's toast sat at the table, patiently waiting for their companions, Coen made his and Lucy's toast.
Lucy's was last and she joined him in the kitchen yelling to us, "If you come in here, Mommy and Daddy, close your eyes!  He's making me a super special recipe!"
Coen brought in Lucy's toast and placed it on the table.

It's peanut butter, honey, cinnamon sugar, katsup and barbeque sauce.  She ate it.

And while I tried to swallow down my cold and soggy jam and butter toast (while averting my eyes from Lucy's "special recipe")  I praised my son for making breakfast.
Tad raised his glass. "A toast to toast!" he said.
Cheers.

Have a great weekend everyone.

Step back, have a Schaefer

After I wrote yesterday's post I was reminded of a joke commercial that Tad and his friend Michael used to do, which always made me laugh.

Do you remember Schaefer Beer?

So Tad and Michael used to do their Schaefer Commercials like this:

Lost your job today?  House in foreclosure? Step back. Have a Schaefer.

Just found out you have to have surgery? No insurance? Step back! Have a Schaefer.

Wife left you?  Took the kids and emptied the bank accounts?  Step back. Have a Schaefer!

Did you have a tough day today? (hope not--It's Friday!) but if you did, rest assured, you'll feel better soon.

Step back. Have a Schaefer.

Or an ice cream sundae, or a steaming mug of tea, or a salted caramel mocha. Whatever does  
                                                    the trick.

Dental Solutions

I presented at a youth in transition conference on Monday by the airport and went for a walk before it. I came across this sign:

What stood out for me was the business called Dental Solutions.

I mean, obviously it's a dentist's office.  But I kept thinking about how funny it would be if it was a business that provided Dental Solutions to any problem at all.

Here at Dental Solutions, we provide solutions to all of your problems.  Each and every problem has a solution and all of those solutions are dental. Oral Health can pave your way to a brighter future.

Dental Solutions? Hi.  I just looked at our stocks and bonds and they're all losing value. Should I pull them out? HOW should I invest my money so it's safe in this economy?
Dental Solutions is here for you.  What we suggest is that you go straight to the bathroom and brush your teeth. Brush them long enough that you can sing 'Happy Birthday' two times at least.  The answers will come to you.

Hi Dental Solutions. I need your help!  We are having some household problems. Can you reccommend a good contractor?  
Dental solutions will tell you what to do.  Go into the bathroom, open the medicine cabinet. And floss. Floss like your life depends upon it.  Then go to Angie's List and find yourself someone. Those walls won't paint themselves!

Hello? Dental Solutions?  My husband is having an affair.  We have three children. I just don't know what to do.
Oh, this is a most serious problem indeed, but we, at Dental Solutions, can help you.  Come right in and we'll give you a root canal and pull out your molars.  With the pain you'll be feeling in your mouth, you'll forget all about your heartbreak.  DENTAL SOLUTIONS!

Plate face.

Today was a marathon of a day.

Last night I came home to a mess of problems.  And I had already been walking around all day with rage coursing through my very veins.  I was thinking about how miserable I was and how stressed I was and then I became aware of my thought process and I had to laugh as I realized what must be happening.  There's a full moon coming and I suddenly think my life is terrible.  That's all the proof I need to know that it is about my time of the month.

But after feeling that way all day yesterday and then coming home to find out 1. The roof (which we just had done last summer) is leaking by the chimney.  2. Our garage door is broken and 3. Lucy dropped some purple Mardi Gras beads down the bathtub drain.  After I called our garage guy and made an appointment for him to come, and dug in the drain with an untwisted coat hanger to no avail, and made tea whilst I complained to Tad.
"It's too much!" I told him.  "too much!"
"I know." He said sympathetically.

So today.

I went to work at 7:00, drank my coffee and did paperwork for 20 consumers.  Then I was home by 9:00 to greet the garage door fixer guy. Then I was at Goodwill on 91st Street by 10:00 to teach a healthy relationships class to adults with developmental disabilities.  It was really fun too--the people in the class were so willing to share and open and honest and I am very much going to enjoy this group.  Then by 11:30 I was at Manpower downtown and taught three sessions in a row to MPS middle school students about learning their disability labels.  Then home again so I could pay the garage door fixer guy.  Then I walked to Highland for parent teacher conferences with both my kids' teachers.  Then home to make popovers to go with our slow cooker ribs.

I sat down on the couch and told Tad I was really tired.  He told me that it looked like I WAS tired. "Your forehead looks like it's holding up your face." He said.
"Oh, that sounds HORRIBLE! I protested. It sounds so unattractive!"
He laughed at me.

Anyway, I took a photo of my first attempt at popovers with one of the ribs.

Lucy said, "Can I see?" So I showed it to her and she said excitedly, "It's a plate face! He's sad!" and laughed hysterically.  She got to work immediately on her plate and showed it to me.

"Look at mine!" She exclaimed, laughing hysterically again. "Daddy! Look He's got worried eyebrows AND a beard!"

Making plate faces was a nice end to a very busy day.  And I'm drinking tea next to Tad, watching Game 1 of the world series, and trying not to look like my forehead is holding up my face.

Plate face.

Nine year olds seem to think everything is boring.

It seems like, with parenting, as soon as you get the hang of one phase, you have a whole new beast to get used to.

My son is newly nine.  It seems like, sometimes, nothing is good enough.  He's constantly disappointed with a decision I make, with where we're going, what we're doing... It's exhausting.  And to be honest, I've been taking it personally.

Coen and Lucy and I have had a lot of time together this weekend. Yesterday I took the day off because they didn't have school and I mentioned in the morning that we could go to a pumpkin farm.  "No!" Coen protested. "That would be boring."
"It won't be boring!  They have a corn maze and a playground. It'll be fun."
"I don't wanna go!" Coen said, barely looking up from his Legos.
"I wanna go! Let's go now!" Lucy shouted, jumping up and down.
I sighed.
I promised Coen there would be no rushing, and that we wouldn't leave until after lunch, when they were bored.  True to my word we headed out after lunch and they both had a great time.
"See?" I said to Coen. "I told you it would be fun."
"Well I didn't know it would be like this!" Coen said.

Today Tad went to Madison and we went to spend some time with friends, our original plan being to go the Domes.
"I hate the Domes." Coen said.
"Hate? That's a pretty strong word."
"Well, I don't like them. They're boring."
Is everything suddenly boring at age nine?
We missed the Domes boat due to their 4:00 closing time and went on a haunted walk through the Greendale woods instead.  Coen questioned everything our teenage, uncomfortable, zombie tour guide said.  After it was over his Coen's grandpa (president of the Greendale Historical Society and volunteer at the event) asked him how he liked it.
Coen's reply: "boring."
Urg.

Not only does he think everything is boring, but he also talks back all of a sudden.  Yesterday at the pumpkin farm when I said it was time to go, Coen said "No."
WHAT?  No?  What the hell.  Since when does he say no to me.
And sometimes he even calls me Alie.  Sheesh!

And you know how that is when you're with a friend who you respect, who you think is an incredible parent..and then your kids acts like a big jerk face in front of that friend.  And you feel sort of bad and sort of inadequate.  Because during these times of disrespectful, rude or just plain annoying behavior, I always wonder what I'm doing wrong as a mom...  But you know, I came home with that feeling tonight and I did two things that made me feel better.
1. I called Tad
2. I called my mom.
And I thought about a few things.  My friend is my friend who likes and respects me no matter what my kids do and I know that like any parent, she's been there. We have all been in a moment when our kid is not acting like....well...our kid and we know that all this stuff, however hard and weird and impossible it is..is normal.  And also there's this...

When we were at the Pumpkin Farm and Coen said "no" when I said it was time to leave...  I didn't freak out or yell at him.  I took a breath and walked towards the exit and stood there. Within moments, I heard Coen say "Lucy. Mommy is waiting for us. We have to go." And they both came.

Today when we went to dinner after the walk, I went up to Coen and put my arms around him.  He melted into my hug and wrapped his arms around me. When I pulled away, he hugged tighter and gave me a kiss. "I love you Mommy." he said.

But you know in those moments, I never think wow, what am I doing right.  I think, what a great kid.

Parenting is hard.
Being nine is hard too.

And who Coen is...who he grows up to be... It's not all based on my parenting.  It's part how he's parented, it's a dash of environment, circumstance and experiences.... And it's the rest who he is.  And who he is is a great kid...a great person...who's nine.  And learning about social filters, parental control, and asserting who he is respectfully is part of his job as a nine year-old right now.  And teaching him that is part of my job as one of his parents.

Jeez. I better get some sleep.

Coen holding Lucy on his lap down the slide at the pumpkin farm because she was afraid to go alone