Monday, October 15, 2012

Some of us like to wear actual clothes with our Halloween costumes

I love Halloween. I love costume shopping and
dressing up.  But I tell you, I go shopping for costumes these days and I am beside myself.

What gives?

Check out the prisoner costume for men
to the right there.

There's the stripes, the hat, the ball and chain. 
Totally appropriate prison costume. We all know what he is dressed as, without even having to ask.
 But now, I tell you, look to the left at the women's prisoner costume. 


I don't think they'd allow heels like that in prison, for one.  They could be used to stab your cellmate could they not?  For two, they take the handcuffs OFF you when they throw you in the slammer.'s a S & M reference? Oh, right. I get it.

And I'm fairly certain that there is neither cleavage nor thigh showage in the women's prisons. Except maybe in the showers.

Come ON!

On to the next costume

The pirate!

Look at this guy! Straight out of Pirates of the Caribbean.  He's got his bottle of booze, his tall boots, his fancy hat and long coat.

He's a pirate! Obviously. I don't even have to ask.

Nice costume.
 Ah, but let us look to our left here at the women's pirate costume.  She's got the hat. Yep. Pirate-looking belt and gloves.  Even a pistol. 

But pearls?  And no pants?  I mean, come on! What kind of pirate is going to be successful wearing no pants?  I ask you!

How are you supposed to climb aboard another person's ship, steal all their booty.....(OH, perhaps she already HAS the booty...maybe that's the point.)... 

I just don't see how you can do any thing pirate-ish with out any trousers. It makes no sense at all.

 So here's the football player.

He looks fierce, huh?

He's got all his padding and his helmet and ball. 

Number eighty-eight.  Looking good! 

Aside from the unlaced converse, he looks completely ready
to throw a pass or make a touch down.

Nice football player costume.

Ah, but here we have the women's football player costume.  Now, I'll admit that the NFL doesn't have women playing, so maybe it's hard to imagine what the uniform would be like.  But I'm guessing it would look PRETTY MUCH LIKE THE ONE ABOVE!!!!

I don't think those lace up thigh boots are very practical at all.  And I don't see how an exposed midriff is getting her anywhere.

Really, she's just a walking head injury or dislocated shoulder waiting to happen if you want my opinion! 

And I suppose, while we're on it, we should all take a look at her number.  The guy above may be eighty-eight...but I'd like to introduce you to "star player" number ...wait for it... sixty nine.  Of course! Why shouldn't her football player number be the same as the one given a sex act.  Of course.

Come on Halloween costume makers!  COME ON!  Women are not all interested in looking like a slutty version of whatever it is we're dressing up as!  We really aren't. 

I just can't understand why I have to bring my daughter up in a world where, as a child, her options are princess, fairy and ladybug.  And then when she grows up she can suddenly be  a prisoner, football player or pirate...but she better be showing some skin. 

Well, the good news is this: I must be doing something right because this year my daughter wants to be an elevator.  Though I admit, in the eleventh hour, she will likely default to some kind of princess.  And because she can be whatever she wants to be, I will not argue. 

I'll just try to educate her that she can be a princess...or an elevator if she wants to. But while she does it, she will always be her strong, brave, smart self underneath.

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