Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Bleeding heart

This morning my whole family left the house at 6:45 to go vote right when the polls opened.  It was fun packing the kids a breakfast to go and standing in line as they opened the polls.

Coen and Lucy hung on my arms and followed me over to the booth, Coen looking between Tad and me as we penciled in the arrows and said loudly, "You guys are picking all the same things!"

We walked back out into the misty morning and Tad, who was walking a bit ahead of us, turned back to see Coen and Lucy both hanging on to my hands..
"So" he said, grinning at us, "You guys just want to stay close to the bleeding heart liberal, huh?"

We all laughed.  Make no mistake, Tad's heart bleeds too, (though he doesn't always admit it) but we have a different mode, walking around the world.  The other day we were talking about how much I worry about how people feel and what people think and we had this conversation:

Tad: That's why we're such a good match because I couldn't give less of a crap.
Me: Yeah! And I couldn't give more of a crap.
Tad: If you gave more of a crap, you'd have to be committed.

Happy Election Day people.

I think no matter how we vote, we all give a crap!

Monday, November 3, 2014

We belong

When I was in college, I was over at a friend's house.  We were blasting Pat Benatar singing "We Belong" and singing along at the top of our lungs, windows open.
After a while, a police officer came knocking at the door and told us there'd been some noise complaints. He was smirking. He'd heard us singing.  He told us to keep it down and left, smiling, calling back over his shoulder, "Don't quit your day jobs, ladies!"

We piped down after that and laughed together as the night grew late and we all went back home again to bed as the sky grew pink and yellow.

How wonderful it felt that night to be together, a group of girlfriends, people I saw every single weekend and some weeknights too....getting in trouble for singing to loud.

How wonderful it felt to belong.

And you grow up and trade in those every day girl friends for a partner. And children.  A job to go to every day...co-workers and and that guy or gal at the coffee shop you see every time you go.

And in that way, you do belong.  But sometimes you miss that larger belonging....

That is a feeling that I strive for all the time, to feel like I belong.  When I chose I school for my kids, I looked for one with a community.  When we bought a house, we wanted a neighborhood...  And I do feel like I belong.  To my family, to my work community, to Milwaukee...

But sometimes, it can be difficult. Especially in the age of online sharing, tweeting, face-booking, instagraming, googling plus about where you were and who you were with and what you were doing and how fun it was....

I don't know about you but I start to feel like I don't belong. Or worry that I don't. I see pictures posted of a party I wasn't at and I wish I was there.  I see a post about a gathering I wasn't part of and feel left out...   I wish I could be everywhere somehow.  I start to feel my reach growing and thinning and meaning less and less as I want to be THERE! And then THERE!

Oh why can't I be EVERYWHERE where EVERYONE is?!!!!

It's so funny too, because then I think about my schedule and trying to fit in a dinner party here or a girls night out there and it's all so trying.  And I have to wonder.... What am I so worried about missing when I barely have time for all the things I want to do?

I want to be better at living in the moment.  To be where I am and be happy with that.  We all belong.  We belong where we are in each moment we're in and the fact that we're not part of another moment is okay.  Good even.

I'm working on it. To be satisfied with my now, all the time.  Not to look out the window and wonder if there's something better going on out there... Not to wonder what I'm missing.  It doesn't matter.  I have everything I need right here, right now....

We belong to the light
We belong to the thunder
We belong to the sound of the words
Weve both fallen under

Whatever we deny or embrace
For worse or for better
We belong, we belong
We belong together