I have been a bit overwhelmingly busy at work and I have had sciatic nerve pain, which has given way to some deep muscle pain and more sciatic numbness and pins and needle style tingling which is far more excruciating than the pain itself.... Not to mention all the horrible news as of late, the anger and dischord and the lack of justice in the news lately.
Which has left me at a loss for words at the end of the day.
I have taken the last two weeks of the year off of work and am going to try and winter break-alogue my time.
A few weeks ago a woman approached me, upon hearing me complaining about all my pain and tingling, and told me two things, both of which made me feel better.
1. It will go away.
2. Maybe it's telling me something about a change I need to make.
Indeed. This can probably be applied, somewhat to the political and social climate too. There's a change we all need to make.
I've been thinking a long time about slowing down. About not worrying about where I'm not and what I'm missing and just worrying about where I am currently. I even had myself a bracelet made that I've taken to wearing every day. It says:
I have everything I need in this moment.
So, I'm going to work hard this winter break on being present.
And already today I sat with my daughter for a full ninety minutes while she read aloud all the contents from her cubby at school that she brought home when she cleaned it out on Friday. I sipped tea and just looked for a long time at our living room all Christmassy and cozy.
Admittedly all this presence and slowing down is a lot easier to do when it's holiday break.... but they say it takes longer to break a habit than make a new one or something like that, so I have sixteen days to try.
Yesterday was the first day of break. Coen got invited to a friend's for the day and then for a sleepover. Lucy got invited to a friend's for the day. Thus, Tad and I found ourselves alone, with no children, in our house.
I left Tad to himself to blare music and organize all his old writings that he dragged up from the basement. I ran an errand for the kids' school after dropping Coen off with his buddy. I went to a re-sale store and bought a hat. I went to the library and took out six books. I went to a coffee shop and finished a novel I was reading and sipped a white mocha. It was all lovely.
Then, after checking social media, went right home and told Tad we should go over to the courthouse to support our friends who were there, one of whom was waiting for her husband to be released from prison after having been arrested at the peaceful protests against the murder of Dontre Hamilton and others of whom were more people we know and people we don't know fighting for justice.
After the release of some (but not all) of the prisoners, including our friend, we went out for dinner and came home in time for Lucy to be returned to us.
After she was tucked into bed, Tad and I watched the pilot episode of Masters of Sex and went to bed where I fell into a very heavy sleep, the best I've had in weeks.
And now my son is sitting patiently next to me, wanting me to play Cat's Cradle with him. And so I shall.