Three years ago I wrote this blog post about Joan Baez.
Last night Tad and I were looking for a documentary to watch and he suggested the Joan Baez documentary that inspired the above blog post. I told him no. "I feel a terrible longing when I watch that one and I don't feel like feeling like that." I said.
Tad looked at me. And wisely said, "Well if it's that strong, then you should do something about it."
Damn it. I know he's right.
So here's the thing. If you don't feel like reading the above link... I thought I'd be a singer and an activist in much larger fashion than I am currently. But what I am, larger than life, is a mom. And I have absolutely no regrets about that. And my career has taken me down a path that is amazing and exciting and suddenly I'm a sexuality educator for young (and not so young) people with disabilities. And I am honored and thrilled to be doing that. But I'm still not making music. Since I wrote that blog post and declared I needed to go to an open mic night, I have performed exactly once. At a farmer's market. So what gives?
If playing music makes me happier than almost anything, why am I not doing it?
What is it that makes YOU feel wildly alive and full of joy? Do you do it as often as you would like?
What keeps us from doing things that make us blissful?
I have an incredible job out in the world at IndependenceFirst. I have an incredible job at home raising Coen and Lucy. I'm very happy...it's just that something's missing.
I still get out my guitar twice a month or so and play by myself or for my family.
But I feel like a I lack a community of people who want to gather and make music together...though I know I could create it if I tried or find it if I looked....
So how to find those people and get them together....
I know I need to do this. Tad's right. If I can't watch Joan Baez without aching for a regular experience making music with others...then I need to do something about it.
Now, I just have to do it so I don't re-read this in three years and realize I didn't.