Falling

I love fall for the leaf piles and the gorgeous sunrises that I get to see. I love fall for Halloween and crisp weather. I love fall for the melancholy it somehow brings every year over times past.  I love fall for zucchini and squash and pumpkins, soup and apple cider. 

But.  Fall is also when I get migraines.  Fall is when we have to pull out coats, find they're too small and make plans to buy new ones.  Fall is when my kids get used to having hats and mittens again in the morning and come home having lost them. 

The fun-filled hayrides are balanced by the battle over whether to turn the heat on before November.

The jack-o-lanterns are offset by the putting up of storm windows.

The caramel apples are balanced by the sudden search for tights and socks and the putting away of sandals.

It's a veritable teeter totter of a season.

This morning I sat at a red light and felt the teeter-totter within me.  The sunrise was gorgeous and I was listening to a sad Remy Zero song.  I started to miss my friend Harald who died almost a year and half ago and I thought of the box of letters I have from him that I should read again.  And feeling sad feels so good sometimes because it fills you up.  Feeling bone-deep sad sometimes makes me feel so wide awake.  I like that.  It's fall and part of the world is going to sleep for the winter and it makes me want to try a little harder to be alive.