Monday, April 8, 2013

Not ETERNAL sunshine

So this morning, I was having some computer issues and our IT manager needed my password and asked me to bring it to him.

Oh boy. 

One of the passwords I use is in Estonian. I knew he'd ask what it meant and then of course I'd have to admit it.

Little Sunshine

"You really are something, you know that don't you?" He said, smiling and shaking his head.

I know. God. Even in my secret password life I'm obnoxiously happy.

But let me level with you.   See this picture?

Obnoxiously adorable isn't it?  We're so in love.  I even made it my facebook cover photo. 
But here's the thing. Here's the truth.  Tad and I were not getting along that day.  I even requested to drive separately to this lovely picturesque waterfall place.  So I could talk about him to Jen.  And just before this picture was taken, I said, meanly "Okay! Let's pretend we like each other right now. Let's pretend we're having fun!"
So I thought you should know.  It's not all roses and unicorns for me either.  I know I'm sort of eternally optimistic. And yes, I am in love.  And I annoy people with my pretty much daily cheerfulness.  But it isn't always like that. It doesn't flow eternal like that waterfall behind us.  And sometimes I have to force it until it works.  I get annoyed with my husband and believe me, he gets annoyed with me.  (Well, maybe that's not so hard to believe).  I, too, get sick of being a mom and want to get in the car and drive to the other side of the country without leaving so much as a note.  I also have days where I stomp around and mutter under my breath, angry at everything and everyone. 
I know sometimes it looks like I am just zippety do dah-ing my way through life, bluebird on my shoulder and everything.  But I promise, I have bad days too.  And I feel miserable sometimes too.  I just try really hard to make things fun.  And, in the end, it's a lot more fun to be happy than not. 
I'm trying not to sound like an infomercial for some sort of wonder drug..but I saw a quote that said, "Always believe that something wonderful is about to happen."  And I guess that's what I try to do.
But I do get mad and irritated and ugly and mean.
I just thought you should know.

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