Friday, February 3, 2012

Cycling with the moon...

For a long long time, I have cycled with the moon.  It makes me feel powerful.  Like my own body can be in tune with the pull of gravity from moon to earth.  How lovely.  I am alive and strong and connected to all living things.

Except when I'm not.

I am pre-menstrual.  Yep. I'm just putting it out there.  And I know you can handle it readers, because either you are women or you intimately know women, most of you. 

I am in turns, depressed, weepy, pissed off, irritable, feeling like there's just nothing to look forward to, crabby, snapping, needing a hug, and then not wanting to be touched at all.  My body is puffy. I wake in the night drenched with sweat.  I shed layers and lay there, disgusting and freezing.  WTF, hormones?!!!! 

 I have just finished eating four squares of a chocolate caramel bar.  I want more coffee.  Lucinda Williams is making me cry my face off.  This morning I barely spoke to Tad, now I desperately miss him.  I look in the mirror and imagine myself probably three times larger than I really am.  I am not saying such pleasant things to my reflection.  Then, Gosh, Alie, Lay off!  Then I laugh. I'm talking to myself in the mirror. How silly.  Holy cow, I'm a maniac!

And eventually, as the full moon draws near, I will suddenly come back to myself again. I'll feel like a fog has lifted. I'll feel light and happy and remember how wonderful my life is.  And then I'll bleed. My body and mind will be my own again.

What a strange, wonderful, difficult thing it is to be female. 

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