Monday, February 6, 2012

Frickin' Valentines

Don't worry. He's not flipping you off. He's flipping February 14th off.

This will not be my only anti-Valentine's post. Just let me warn you that, right off the bat.  First of all, I have never liked Valentines day. It's a day of "supposed to's" You're supposed to be in a romantic relationship with someone. And if you're not, you're left out of Valentine's Day  If you're in a relationship, you're supposed to give flowers, cards, chocolate....  Which means you're supposed to spend money on things you don't need.  To let the person you're with KNOW that you love and feel romantically about them. Why do we need a day for that? Can't we surprise our loved ones with spontaneous gestures, "I love you's" and the like all throughout the year? Why just on this one day?  So, I call it Schmalentines Day, as in Valentine's Schmalentines.  And I make Schmalentine's which are anti-valentine-sentiment-ed cards.  I love them.

Do you want a Schmalentine?  Okay!  The first five people to comment on this post ON the blog website, will get a Schmalentine.  Don't worry, my feelings won't be hurt if you don't want one. You might just get one anyway.

The other reason I don't like Valentine's is that my kids need Valentines to take to school.  I don't like to buy the licensed character ones.  So this means for the past many years I have taken great pains to MAKE my kids' Valentines to bring to school.  As Coen has gotten older, and now Lucy too, it means the excruciating task of trying to get them to sign their names on 30 little cards, or worse yet MAKE thirty little cards. They don't want to do this. I don't want to make them do this! But every year,for some insane reason, I want to be one of the moms who's kids have handmade Valentines.  WHY?  Because I'm an artist, of sorts.  I like to make things. My kids like to make things (well, okay they like to make one thing. At a time. In the span of an hour, usually. They're not really mass producers.)

On Sunday, I hauled out lace hearts and craft supplies and crayons and markers.  I said to Coen and Lucy, "Who wants to make Valentines?!!"  Both of them said "ME!!!"
Coen made one.  One! And then went  back to his post on the couch, reading his Pokemon book.
"Coen" I said, "You have thirty friends in your class.  Do you want to have Valentines to bring or not?"
"Mom." He said. "Valentines Day isn't even until next week.
But it's not like he's going to take this task up himself.  I suppose I should just not worry about whether he has Valentines to take to school or not.  He knows it's next week. He knows where the art supplies are.  If he has nothing to bring, he has nothing to bring.  Why do I care?!

Lucy made four.  But one was for me.  Very sweet, yes, I know, but she also has thirty classmates.
"I'm tired of making these." She said, holding one up. "I don't like this one." She ripped it.
I wanted to cry.  It was really cute and it took her at least thirty minutes to make.

Later on I came out of the bedroom with some construction paper and saw Coen. I opened my mouth to speak.
"Please don't talk about Valentines Mom." Coen said.
I tried to get Tad to commiserate.
"You're the maker of Schmalentines." He said, not commiserating. "Why do you care about this so much?"

I really don't know.  I suppose that I shall help my younger child as she is four and can't be expected to sit and make 30 cards.  And when she, as her brother is, in 2nd grade, I shall place the proverbial box of chocolates in her court.  Or in her heart-shaped-box.  As it were.


  1. What a wonderful and funny blog post Alie! You captured my sentiments about Valentine's Day, for sure. I just found another reason to be okay with the fact that I never had kids. Insightful question by Coen. Societal guilt? Happy Schmalentine's Day!

    1. Will you be at the next ADA Meeting? I don't know that I will, but I'll make sure your schmalentine is there!

  2. I too, am not a fan of Valentine's Day. My hubby and I go out of our way NOT to celebrate it. I'm thinking that if you need a day of the year to remind you to tell me that you love me then to hell with you. Valentine Schmalentine is right! :)

    1. Yay! You earned a free Schmalentine. Please feel free to send me a message to to tell me how to get it to you! Thanks for your comment!

  3. I think your schmalentines are stinkin' awesome! I (and several other trainees) was a big ol' frenzied mess this time last year. Schmalentines got me laughing and smiling and I needed that.

  4. Yay! You earned a free Schmalentine. Please feel free to send me a message to to tell me how to get it to you! Thanks for your comment!

  5. I just noticed you only had three comments. Is it too late for me to earn a schmalentine?!

    1. Patti! I will MAIL you a Schmalentine! Just send me an email and tell me where to send it! :)