Wednesday, May 8, 2013

I think my psyche has the flu.

I think my psyche has the flu.  Do you ever feel that way?  Here are the symptoms of a psyche flu:
1. Bad and stressful dreams
2. Nervous butterfly feeling in stomach all the time
3. Being sort of stuck inside your own head
4. Feelings of not really sadness or melancholy or anger, but just sort of blankness
5. A really weird taste in your mouth

Admittedly, that last one might just be something I ate.

But sometimes this happens. Your mind gets the flu.  It can happen, I suppose, because of stress. 

I'm a bit stressed at work which is making me really scattered at work.  I know because yesterday I taught sexuality education and usually am unflappable and can say vagina and vulva and testicles with nary a twinge, but there was a cute student teacher and the kids all had ridiculous grins on their faces and it, quite frankly, put me right off my game!  I even stumbled over my words!

It can happen, I guess, if your mind isn't getting the rest it needs.  Hence the dreams.

I keep dreaming that I have cancer.  I'm dying and I have cancer and it's just terrible.  And LAST night I dreamt that while I had cancer, I was tyring to figure out what to do about work and found that there were cartloads and cartloads of acrylic paint everywhere and I was thinking I can't BELIEVE I didn't know about this paint! I could have been using it for projects! And now I'm going to die and what will happen to all this PAINT! So right there you can see, that not only am I stressed but I'm also really weird. I mean, who worries about leaving behind paint in their untimely demise?!

It happens to everyone I imagine and I know, like any flu, it will pass.  My psyche must rest (meditate) and take medicine (do fun things that my psyche likes) it it will pass.

The feeling stuck in my head and sort of blank comes out and I feel bad that I'm not as present as I want to be with everyone around me.  I told Tad on Sunday after I was really sort of cranky when I came outside with him and the kids and a bunch of neighbors, before I figured out that my psyche was ailing, that I felt bad for being so cranky around everyone.  And he said, "It's good for people to see that you're not just vomiting rainbows all the time."

But you know, I think my brain will feel better after it does vomit some rainbows.  I better keep an imaginary plastic bucket around.  Just in case.

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