Sending out the right intentions....

Meditite: One of my favorite Pokemon of Coen's

I was thinking about yesterday's blog post a bit today while I went to do my daily meditation.  (This is an assignment given me by my therapist and it really does help my daily state of mind.)  This morning was one of those hard mornings.  Tad and I were unconnected and easily hurt by each other's words and observations. The kids were slow. We were impatient.  I left without kissing him which happens rarely and leaves me feeling a bit wrong.

I see how hard it is to be a teacher in January. If my son's quick-to-cry, slightly rude, over-the-top mood is any indication of the rest of the student body right now--all cooped up inside and full of energy bouncing around with no place to go--I do not envy anyone who must wrangle and attempt to teach these young people at all....

I went to an open house at Kanyakumari Ayurveda last month and was talking about how stressed and guilty I felt about not being able to do more for my friend Harald...  And the wisest thing that someone said to me that night was that when I feel that stress and worry, THAT is what I'm sending to my friend. Not the love and healing that I really want to be sending....

It got me thinking about how when I feel guilty for being gone from my kids at night for work or for Zumba...when I feel bad for taking a work trip...or going out with friends...   When I am frustrated with Tad's mood and want it to end... When I'm impatient and guilty like that... THAT is what I'm sending. What I want to be sending is this:

joy when I'm off doing my own thing:

trust that Tad can be with the kids and they can be without me...  

patience for moods that are forever going up and down, up and down....

That is the ebb and flow of life.

And I want to have my own life.  When my kids grow up and away from me, which they do more and more each day, I want to have also nurtured myself.  And given myself room to grow and develop and have hobbies and interests and things that give me joy besides parenting.  And then whey they leave me, which they will, I will be uncrushed by my empty nest, but ready to spread my wings.  (Don't get me wrong, I will of course miss my little birdies, but what I want is that missing not to overtake me)  I have to focus on myself and on Tad, and we must grow along with the raising of our children if we want to bring that with us...

So today when I meditated, I pictured Tad and all his stress and deadlines (grades, homework, etc..) and all of it slipping away. And the strangest thing happened, the music that came on was slightly edgy, beautiful and gentle underneath, like him. And then when I was done picturing the stress falling away, the music changed to a rainstorm and I was able to send him love and patience and warmth.

I know I am being extremely gooey today.  My life is all full of strange changes and growing and figuring things out...who's isn't, I suppose.  Here's a cartoon to end this post.  I love it. I wish I could do this:



Have a happy weekend.