Yesterday had the makings of a hard day. I woke up feeling sad and raw about Harald. I was on my way to teach the 8th grade girls I'm working with and wondered..how am I going to do this today? I felt on the edge of tears and worried that if they got out of hand or I had to raise my voice, I would cry in front of them. As I pulled up to the school, I decided I would just be real with them. When they sat down, I said, "Good morning." They all echoed me back. Then I said, "So, I have to be honest with you today. I'm having a pretty hard morning. A good friend of mine died last night and I feel pretty sad. I need you guys to be respectful and listen. If you get too loud, I'm not going to raise my voice. If I have to raise my voice I'm going to cry. And I don't want to do that. So I will just sit down and wait until you're ready. I thought about cancelling but I really like you guys and I really want to do this class today (here I heard a few audible 'awwwww's) Okay?"
They all nodded.
We did the class and they were AMAZING. Totally respectful. Quiet. Only talked when it was time to talk.
After I left I thought perhaps that next week I should tell them my husband's leaving me or something so they'll do it again. (Just kidding)
Then in the afternoon, I had to take my kids to the dentist. If you are a reader of my blog, you might remember our dental trauma back in November. If not, you can read about it here. So needless to say I was nervous about how things would go.
But we changed dentists since and we went to Small World Dentistry and it was incredible.
Coen went first and showed Lucy how it would all work while she watched him solemnly on a chair. And when it was Lucy's turn? She FULLY COOPERATED. I don't know how well you know my daughter but FULL COOPERATION is not in her repertoire. I almost cried, watching her opening her mouth wide and letting them brush and floss and count teeth. She even let them do x-rays. The staff was wonderful and encouraging, no pressure, just kindness and that was a huge help. I couldn't believe how easy it was.
As we left I said, "I am SO proud of you guys. You did so great at the dentist." And Coen said, "You should be mostly proud of Lucy because that was her first time doing such a great job." And Lucy said, "No, you should be mostly proud of Coen for being such a good big brother." And I put my arms around both of them and said, "I am proud of BOTH of you."
On the way home, I told Coen and Lucy about Harald. They asked me a lot of questions as I knew they would and it felt really good to talk about. They asked to see pictures of him and so I showed them some on my computer when we got home. Coen said, "He looks like a nice guy, Mommy."
Later on I overheard them talking in the playroom.
Lucy: Mommy misses Harald.
Coen: I know. Lucy, you know sometimes when people die, you can see them alive in your dreams.
Lucy: Maybe Mommy can see Harald in her dreams.
Coen: Go tell Mommy that.
Lucy: (coming into the kitchen) Mommy?
Me: (smiling already) Yes?
Lucy: Mommy. I hope that you get to see Harald alive again in your dreams.
Me: I hope so too, honey.
Lucy: Well let's talk about him a lot today so you can dream about him.
After the kids went to bed, Tad put on my favorite show and put his arms around me while we watched. I went to bed at 9:00. Going to sleep, I felt so thankful to my girls' class and the dentist and my children and my husband and the universe for throwing some really great happenings at me on a hard day.