Monday, March 5, 2012

Sensitive and Vulnerable...

My family is made up of sensitive people.  I am no stranger to crying. I cry at commercials, at the end of almost every movie--happy or sad, I cry when I'm sad, frustrated, angry or any other number of emotions.  I cry anytime anyone else cries. 
Lucy takes great care of animals and people smaller than herself.
Tad kisses me on the shoulder every morning before he goes to take a shower and has incredible empathy for our children. 
This weekend, Coen watched his first real amazingly done special effects movie ever: The Chronicles of Narnia: Voyage of the Dawn Treader.  After it was over, he put his head on my chest and sobbed.  "Why am I crying?" he said.
"Oh Coen." Tad said, "I sometimes feel sad at the end of movies too."
"Me too." I said, stroking his hair. "That just means they did a really good job."
"You feel like you're one of the characters and all of that happened to you too." Tad added.

Coen got his cry out and I tucked him in bed.  The next morning I heard him say to Lucy, "I cried at the movie last night.  But that just means they did a really good job making it."

Coen was also amazed at the special effects.  This is his explanation about how they made the green smoke to represent the evil: "Maybe they took a bunch of round rocks and piled them up. And then someone who smokes, smoked all over them. And then they used a computer to color it green."

So with all this sensitivity in my house, you'd think a willingness to be vulnerable would come along with it. 

No dice.

I know, I know. It's hard to be vulnerable.  When you REALLY need help, it seems that's the hardest time to ask for it.
Sometimes, Coen or Lucy will fall down. And I'll say something like, "Let mommy kiss it!" and I'm met with a belligerent, "NO!"
I know I'm extra vulnerable.  And that sometimes my particular partner is not always the best at being vulnerable.  Most of our talks about it are amusing.  Some are serious.  I had a talk with a girlfriend this weekend about how it seems like our male partners have such a hard time being vulnerable. How sometimes it looks like this:

Of course it is not always like this.  The more talking we do in my relationship, the more closely our faces and attitudes match what's going on in our heads.  But I do know this: Vulnerability does not come easy for many people--men and women, boys and girls alike!

But man, I have vulnerability down.  Me? I don't wear my heart on my sleeve.  I wear it on my forehead, billboard size, in neon blinking lights.

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