Sunday, September 9, 2012

Either my eyesight is going or someone is slipping LSD in my tea...

So it has come to my attention lately that my eyesight might be declining....  That or I'm having some really odd hallucinations. 

Case in point #1:
This was the first instance.  I was driving down to the grocery store and I answered a call from my friend Steff.  As we were talking, I looked at the median and exclaimed excitedly! "Oh my gosh! Peacocks!"
Steff said, "What?"
Then I said, "Oh. Never mind, Those are just trees. God, I could have sworn they were peacocks."
Steff paused.  "Are you sure you should be driving?"

Case in point #2:
A couple days later I was talking to some neighbors in our front yard.  I looked down the block and saw one of my kids' friends.
"Oh!" I said, "Look guys! Here comes Kayden."
My kids looked down the block. My neighbors looked down the block."
"Um." Said my neighbor, "That's a fire hydrant."

Case in point #3:
I was riding with Tad and we were at a stop light.  I looked out Tad's window. "Look! I shouted excitedly, "Little garden gnomes!"
Tad looked at me. "What?!"
"Oh." I said.  "Weird. It's just some flowers."

Okay, I have to tell the truth. The third one is partially fabricated. It did happen, but I can't remember what it was that I thought I saw, nor what it was that I actually saw.

But honestly, I'd go to the eye doctor immediately if I weren't afraid I'd embarrass myself and pass out.  I know this bears explanation.  Last time I went to get an eye exam, I went a few weeks after my sister.  My sister, upon having her eyes dilated, got really woozy and dizzy.  She told me this and I suddenly and irrationally feared the same would happen to me.  So I went, I got my eyes dilated.  And I held my breath, waiting for the wooziness.  Of course, upon holding my breath...some would say not breathing, I did get dizzy and woozy and when they eye doctor came back in the room I was hyperventilating. 
"I knew this would happen when I got my eyes dilated!" I said, "I feel like I'm going to pass out!"
The doctor seemed annoyed. "Well, this can't happen from having your eyes dilated." He said and escorted me out to one of the chairs in the waiting room until it passed and he could continue.
"Well it did." I said quietly, mad at his annoyance.
"Not from the dilation." He asserted.
That was the last time I went to the eye doctor.

But I tell ya, the next time I see something...a unicorn on the highway, a weasel at the shopping mall, anything! I'm going to the eye doctor.

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