Near 24 hours of Jack-assery

So, Tad is sick. He doesn't get sick very often but once a year he gets a body ache, fevery, out of commission kind of sickness.  Leading up to this is him being unsure of what's wrong with him but feeling generally all around angry.  And by the time he actually IS sick and vulnerable I'm just annoyed with his grumpiness. Which in the past has put me in this strange space of wanting to be a helpful spouse, but simultaneously irritated, and then feeling bad about my irritability and not really being able to do much to help in the end anyway, aside from taking the children out of the house as much as possible.  I feel I've made some improvements in this arena, however, I've had a rough run over the last day and Tad's being out of commission might have something to do with it.

Yesterday, I took the kids to school so Tad could move slowly.  He ended up leaving work to go home and sleep at lunch so I picked the kids up from school, deciding that we'd just play outside until it was time to go in for dinner.  I offerred a ride home to my friend Julia and her son and Lucy reminded me that the third seat belt was broken.
"No, honey, that was the Subaru."
"No, MOMMY!" She said this in an escalating screaming voice which was a big foreshadowing of the afternoon to come. "It was YOUR car!"
I opened the trunk and put all our bags in and then settled the three kids in the back seat, doing up Coen's seat belt in me middle.  Which was broken.
"Wow." I said, struggling to figure out what was wrong with it. "You were right, Lucy."
There was an inconceivable amount of crumbs, possible fruit snack pieces and what looked like gum wrapper shreds inside the seat belt so I found a paper clip in the open trunk and tried to scrape the thing clean.  Meanwhile the three in the back seat were getting crowded and expressing this rather verbally.  Finally I got everyone settled and then couldn't find my keys. I looked everywhere.  I was about to go back inside to see if I put them down somewhere and I shut the trunk.  Ah.  My keys. In the trunk keyhole.  Of course.
We all got home and Lucy proceeded to have meltdown after meltdown out in the neighborhood about various things having to do with scooters and the proper size of.  I gave her a time out on our porch, not wanting to bring my wailing bundle in to wake her ailing daddy.
Then this morning, when we were about to leave, Coen and Lucy were arguing and I was muttering various things (of which I am not proud) about how people don't like to go to be dearly but the reason they have to go to bed so early because they can't seem to have a disagreement without collapsing in LOUD tears on the floor...   During this time I realized I could not find my keys and called Tad on the phone and accused him of taking my keys.
"No." He said. "I don't have them."
"Are you SURE!?!"
"Yes." He said, "I'm sure."
Then I found them in my purse, of course, and told him so and said goodbye rather abruptly.
"You don't have to be afraid of me just because I'm sick." He said.
And off we went to vote.
I, being clearly an oaf, voted both for the republican AND the democratic primary. 
Of course my republican vote was a write-in for Abraham Lincoln.
And they gave it back to me, being improperly filled out.  I felt rather sheepish then about my Abe Lincoln vote and I filled out another ballot correctly.
Off we went to school, where parked in the parking lot, I composed a text to Tad which read:

I am not afraid of u & aside from calling u

about keys (in which i was admittedly an

ass) i have just been trying to offer you

space and help

And while I was texting the children began a conversation which started out about Lucy's stuffed pink elephant "Ellie" and suddenly Coen was talking about Lucy's second cousin Ellie and asking if Lucy liked her.

Coen: Do you like Ellie?
Lucy: Yes I like Ellie, she's my elephant.

Coen: No, not Ellie the Elephant. Ellie the girl

(at which point Lucy and I were both confused)

Lucy: NO my ELEPHANT!!!

Coen: NO the girl!

I shook my head at the preposterousness of this conversation and said without thinking, "I will pay you both five dollars if you stop fighting right now and get out of the car!"

So they were out in a flash and now I owe my children each $5. 

I hope that I shall stop making absolutely enormous errors of judgement in parenting matters, voting matters and all other matters very soon.

Here is a picture that I asked Tad to take of me last night.
Note the label at the top of the magazine.
I may have earned this title.